A
female
age
41-50,
*en070305
writes:How can I get over that my boyfriend of a year still keeps in contact with his ex girlfriend from time to time? and he gets all upset if a man says or tries to call me to see how i am doing so I am confused about how to react to him. He reacts the way, I do I get upset and mad
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female
reader, Artistry +, writes (17 April 2008):
 Hey there,
You have been together for a year, how long were the two of you in your previous relationships? If the two of you were in love with you ex's and you bonded, with those individuals,it will take some time to get those people and those feeling out of both your systems. When you break up with someone, the emotional investment in that relationship doesn't die all at once. Most of all, your relationship now has to grow, you both need to talk more, decide what the boundaries are in your relationship, and be open with each other. Your intimacy level needs to grow, when this happens, you both will have trust, that you both care sincerely about the other.
If your partner has made you feel secure, by showing that they honestly, love and care for you, you will know that your relationship has a solid foundation. At that point, and this may take more time to become reality, neither of you will have to worry about old flames. Work at getting to that point, if you care about each other, cultivate your relationship, have more conversations about what you both want out of your relationship, listen to each other. You both have a bit of jealously toward the other, that I think is because, neither of you are totally secure in this relationship. Work towards building trust and intimacy, and I think it will work out well. May you both find happiness in your partnership. Good luck to you both.
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (16 April 2008):
 Hi,
It's a simple case of both of you not really trusting each other. You both have brought baggage into the relationship and neither of you are prepared to cut your ties with the past.
First, you need to communicate with each other openly. Discuss what you want for your future, does it include either or both of you maintaining friendships with your exes or an agreement to cease contact until you both feel comfortable enough to not worry.
You need to do something that both of you can agree on , otherwise its breakup time.
good luck.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (16 April 2008):
Talk to him and say you don't think it's fair. He can't have it both ways.
Either you both have no contact with ex's or you both deal with the fact you can have friends of the opposite sex.
I think it's a bit sad that you are both telling each other who you can and can't be friends with. You need to get some trust with each other or what is the point?
My husband has girl friends who he might go out and have a drink with, and advise them on their man troubles. I have male friends.
Sit down and agree some rules for both of you.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, jkilroy349 +, writes (16 April 2008):
Hi
if there are children involved then your boyfriend has every right to see his ex girlfriend, however if there are no children involved then you should lay it on the line - "Are you with her or me - If you are with me then be with me".
If he really wants to be with you then he will stop seeing her - if he insists on seeing her form 'time to time' then he is definitely not for you, call it a day and finish with him. You deserve better. His double standards are very hurtful to you and life is far to short to get your self upset by someone who is not 100% committeed to you.
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