A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am very confused. I have an ex-boyfriend that is a great guy and I really loved him. The only thing that went wrong with our relationship is that he simply fell out of love with me. (No real reason there wasn't another girl, nor was it a job thing he just had moments when he wished I wasn't there. Needless to say, he broke up with me.) I know that can happen, but I still am so much in love with him. It hurts to see and talk to him and he insists on calling, IMing me and keeping close contact. I try to remain strong but its hard. Time has passed, but I still feel the same way every day. Just wishing that he could love me again. On the other hand I have this other guy that is head over heals in love with me. And wants nothing more than to be with me, but I feel guilty cause I kinda like him but I don't think it's true love. Its just not the same. I don't know what to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2008): When a guy 'has moments where he wishes you weren't there', you really have to work through your feelings you have for him and think rationally here. Try hard to do that. What he said was 'not' loving and caring was it? You need to get to the point, where you will suddenly realize this situation with the ex bf is hopless. Contact is bringing up too many memories and you need to heal and disengage your feelings for him. We really don't know why he's doing this. He could be doing this simply because he feels needy/lonely in which case he's being selfish because then these actions are only about him, not you. And by contacting you continually, he's not enabling you to heal and recover. He could be doing this because he feels guilt for not 'loving you' the way he could've and he's trying to ease your pain. And that's not working, is it? If this is the case, then you need to tell him to stop. But one thing for sure, is if you are 'allowing' this ex to contact you---you need is more standing, more strength, more confidence in yourself as an independent, strong person and tell him to stop so you can learn to move on without him. As for this other fellow, there is no point in dating him until you have completely recovered. You don't want to date a guy, when you are feeling love for another. That's not fair. Give yourself a few months. But I will suggest you build a good friendship with this other fellow and ask him to give you the much needed time, to heal. So stop talking to the ex...and jumpstart your life. You will be happy again.. but put your life, first! Good luck and take care, sweety
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