A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for a month and a half now and I've been pregnant with his kid for just as long. I know he's the father because he's the one who took my virginity.I feel like a complete idiot, though, because I'm about to miss out on a whole bunch of things: I'm 18, going to be a mom, and am about to attend a university out-of-state and then ultimately transfer to Oxford University in England once I get my Master's here in America.Also, I was an honor student all throughout my academic career. I got into all the right clubs and joined two sports in high school. I became the first Mexican-American girl in my high school to be fluent in German (I'm also fluent in English and Spanish, of course). I'm fully aware that I'm going places in life.My boyfriend doesn't yet know that I'm pregnant. I was thinking of getting an abortion but I don't know how that would bode on my conscious. I'm in a very tough situation here and I would like some help. Please...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2009): Dear writer, you need to let him know, no matter what happens. If you think that your relationship is going anywhere (I'm hoping so because he is the father) then he deserves to know. My person opinion is that abortions are worse for everyone, if you do not want the baby bare the pain and give it up for adoption. That child deserves to have the best chance for a happy life.
Let your man know, you are in this situation together, it is not one persons fault over the other. You seem to have a lot of things going for you, the last thing you should do is make an irrational decision about your future.
I hope this helps you.
A
female
reader, Renee okc +, writes (30 July 2009):
Yes you will have to make some tough decisions but there are always options, #1 You can see if a family member would like to adopt your child or better if the father would like to raise the baby. #2 you can take the time to find a loving home for your child and do a open adoption this way you can still have some contact with your child. #3 you can suck it up and maybe change the direction your going in so you can still get a good education and a great job in which you will be able to support yourself and the baby. First you need to talk to your boyfriend and see what he may want to do if you feel so strongly about the direction you want to go I would go with the adoption it is way better than a abortion and you maybe wont feel so guilty because you will be making some couple who can't have kids dream come true and if you are this smart I will venture to say your child will be just as smart and will understand why you made the decision that you did because you are young and it isn't easy being a full time parent. I think you will do what is best for you , also your boyfriend and his family may want to take on the responsiblity of raising the baby until you get done with your education he is the father so he needs to take some responsiblity also. You always have a choice
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2009): I am 48 and was in your Shoes at 18. I had the abortion and went on with my life. I never found a husband and never had any children. I am very sucessful but I would have loved a traditional life. I am not sure what would have happened if I had the child and I was confident for years that the choice I made was right. The father was controlling and abusive and I did not want to raise my child in that environment. I wish that I had had the strength of character at 18 as I do now. But, that is never possible. I miss not having children but I am very thankful I did not have his. Hope this helps in some way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2009): ay sweetyi was in the same situation as you were except i had been with my bf for nearly 2 years.im 18 now and i was accepted in uni to study law and i couldnt have the baby.i love children and it was the hardest thing that i had to do. but you know that it is for the best.the way i looked at it was that if i had my baby then i would have not been able to give it the life it deserves. talk to your bf about it.there are other options just think about it before you make a final decision./>take care
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