A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I know he loves me as he shows me in other ways. But getting him to kiss or have sex is very difficult. Ive tried lots of different things but nothing really works. He loves me I know that. HE said that sex was important in a relationship at the beginning of our relationship but now his actions are the opposite! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): I can relate to this situation because i am currently going through it myself. Me and my boyfriend argue just about every night about having sex and i found out a couple of months ago that he was molested at 7 years old buy a male family member, he wont go into detail but he says he doesnt ever want to talk about it. He also tells me that its not me and he loves me and my 2 kids but i still wonder if its worth staying in this relationship without sex?? I dont know what to do!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): Some very good responses so far.
If you haven't already, I'd let him know that sex is very important to you, and that you want it every so often. Maybe, you have to be the dominant party, but find out first.
I think some guys may refrain if there partner doesn't communicate enough about whether they enjoy it or not, or if the sense signals to the contrary of enjoying it.
Maybe he is missing something from you that would make sex more pleasurable and meaningful, such as mental/emtional intimacy. I know I am like that.
If you get no where, then a sexologist might be appropriate. I've been to one, and it was educational.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): Try building your relationship even more, and wait until he shows some signs that he wants to have sex
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A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (5 May 2008):
 Some men are asexual which means they do not enjoy sex and do not need sex in a relationship. If you marry this man he will become your roomate and if your sexual needs are important and not being met you will be very unhappy.
There is nothing wrong with being asexual as long as that is what both parties want and need.
I agree that he probably knew he was this way and he probably knew he had to put out to get you in a relationship but once you were committed, he reverted back to what is normal for him. This is fairly typical behavior for really any couple being together. They behave how you expect or want them to behave and when they are comfortable, that's when the real person comes out.
You should have a discussion with him to find out what his needs are and if they do not match your needs then time to cut your losses.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (4 May 2008):
 Maybe he has a sexual problem, did he have sex with you in the beginning and what was it like, did he manage an errection, did he manage to cum or did he go soft, take forever to cum or not cum at all.
Kissing oftern leads to sex or an expectation of sex, tell him that you just want to hold each other and kiss and that is all.
Sounds like there is no doubt about him loving you but I really think that unless he is abstaining from sex on religouse grounds then it is that he has a sexual problem and needs to go and see a doctor, you need to go on the net and look this up, forewarned is forearmed and you maybe able then to sensitively broach the subject with him, but unless you dont need sex then this has to be sorted out, even a small ammount of sex in a relationship is better than no sex at all as sex is really impportant.
Good luck
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