A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi i am 21 years old and my boyfriend is 32. we have a morgage together and i love him so much. i really need the answer to why my boyfriend thinks im staring and flirting at other blokes {young to old, really ugly to good looking} while we are out together. i dont do it and i am so paranoide about doing it because we argue about it so much. i almost walk around with my head down but i still get accused of eyeing up people. one time it was 4 different people in one night which is just rediculas to me. i dont even see the peolpe he is on about because i am so paranoide about looking at anyone. he really belives him self so much that this happened and he saw what he saw. but i swear that it did not there is so much going on in my mind when we are out together making sure i don look at anyone. he does not trust me but i have never give him a reason not to.it really does my head in and we are nearly split up after a disatrous holiday where it just consumed us the whole time.i can not let him leave me for no reason because of something i have not done but i no if this carries on, i can not carry on like this. why does he be like this and is he making it all up to control me because sometimes i do not belive what he is saying to me because i no i have not done it and i am shocked by what he says.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2007): Hi there,
I understand exactly what your going through, and for the past year I have had the same problem. I suggest you concentrate more on yourself, be kind to yourself and understand that the power to make a positive change is within you. Next time your boyfriend says something that shocks or hurts you...tell him simply and calmly that what he is saying hurts you. Then gently walk away and give him a little time to think about that. The thing is if all the emphasis is on his trust problem with you, you need to divert it a little so that some perspective can be gained. I think once he can acknowledge that what he thinks and says hurts you, you can then work together to find a resolve...asking him what are the triggers, also letting him know that while you do take some responsibility in helping him sort this problem out, he has to try too so that you can both find some peace, and work to building trust. Good luck and best wishes. x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2007): i'm not totally sure what u shuold do, u should really just comfort him, and give him time if it doesn't stop comfront him about it... try it...it usually works...well, for me and most people, i tell to do so...sorry if it doesn't work...
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