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female
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anonymous
writes: I met my boyfriend a little over a year ago; we've been dating about 9 months. We're both in our mid-20s, but this is his first relationship beyond some meaningless hook-ups. When we first started dating he was uncomfortable with my being from a different ethnic background. He's from a close-knit immigrant community and had always imagined he'd marry someone from the same community, for the culture, the familiarity, and the security that his kids would speak the language. Over the summer, though, he was away and things were great. He really missed me and was over the top in expressing it -- sent sweet cards, was always telling me how crazy he was about me, etc. Then one weekend he went on a trip, met a girl of his same ethnicity and completely freaked out. He tried to break up with me a couple of times, but then took it back. I'm learning his language, which he thinks is great(he begged me to do it this summer, back when he was in love). The problem is that things still aren't good between us. I really care about him, but I think I still might be too angry and hurt to really love him like I used to. And he told me once (in an email, in the process of breaking up with me) that he had fallen in love with me. But then 2 wks later I asked if that was true and he said he didn't know how he felt anymore. He's never told me he loves me outright, and he might be the most selfish person I've ever met. I really believe he cares about me. Should I wait for him to get past the issues that are making things hard for him? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2006): i know what your going through. this is a very difficalt thing to handle. my boyfriend and i were on and off the first two years we were together. this is our third year and where still trying to work things out. his family used to nage at him about not being with me. they told him he could get someone better (someone who is the same culture). i kept on giving him chances and that was my mastake. don't get me wrong i love him very much, but if i could go back in time and change things, i would.
i think that what ever your boyfriend is going through should go through it, but don't let him hert you in the process of if. if he loves you and wants to be with you he would know by now. let him go and do his jerny but also let him know that you won't be waiting around forever. you deserve to have a life of your own not the other way around. my boyfriend used to be confused on weather he loved me or not and i felt the exact same way as you do now. you have to make the desision on what to do, no one else can make it. your boyfriend is following his emotions and not his heart. sit down with him and have a long talk with him and explain how you feel and then make you desision from there. good luck! i hope everything works out.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2005): I think you should wait a bit to make sure things won't work out. Work on being less angry, because with anger between you you'll never really find out where he's at or where he could be. I don't think he's likely to get past his issues while you're still so mad and hurt, because I'm sure that shows through and creates tension. I don't mean don't tell him you're mad. I mean try not to be mad. If you can't do that, you'll never give him a chance to get past the issues. But if you can't do that, the relationship won't work anyway. Think of it less as him doing something bad to you and more like deciding if you're right for each other or could be. After all, that sounds like what it's about. Another thing to think about - since you said you don't know if you can love him like you used to - is whether you love him and are hurt or just don't love him anymore. I think there are enough tell-tale signs of not being in love anymore that that shouldn't be hard to spot. Good luck!! Things always have a way of working themselves out.
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A
female
reader, lissy09 +, writes (22 October 2005):
Hun, just talk to him. Really just sit down face to face and have a long conversation until you work everything out.
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A
female
reader, Strawberi +, writes (21 October 2005):
He should accept you for who you are and not try to make you what he wants you to be. Let him go, you can't wait for him to change. Relationships are like making a cake from scratch. You need 5 key ingredients: love, trust, honesty, commitment and faith. When blended together with some time to form and create, you have the most unique and wonderful thing ever created. It seems like this relationship does not have any of those key ingredients. Just move on. That special someone is out there for you. Let him come to you, don't look for him. In the long run it will be well worth waiting for.
GOOD LUCK!!!
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