A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together for a few months now. At the beginning of the relationship I would try to initiate sex and he would push me away. I thought it was just down to him not being ready and didn't think much more of it. But months later and even after speaking to him (in which he insists he's fine) he still hardly ever wants to have sex with me. When we've tried to get to the bottom of the problem he will just say he 'doesn't know' why he doesn't want to have sex. He's started to push me away when I kiss him now too and all of these things are really starting to upset me. I've tried talking to him about it but we never get anywhere as he insists he loves me and wants to be with me, but doesn't know why he is the way he is. The few times we do have sex it is just the two of us masturbating together as he claims he doesn't like to give/receive blow jobs either based on a past experience with his ex-boyfriend (whom he originally told me he had no sexual activity with). Hopefully this makes sense, I'm not a great writer, but I'd love if anyone can help me out here. I'm feeling down and upset all the time lately but I love him and don't want to leave him just because of a lack of sex and intimacy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2015): He likes to say he has a boyfriend, but I think you're just a friend. How long were you together before you had sex for the first time? Does he prefer to be the aggressor, or more submissive?
I think he had sex once perhaps as an experiment; and he's satisfied with that. You both probably committed too soon.
Many times young gay men get infatuated quickly after having sex; only to decide they really committed to being a couple long before they were ready. There is no such thing as a boyfriend as young as yours who doesn't like sex; unless he is ill, or afraid of catching an STD. The only other reason is that he's just not that into you, and he's lying to you.
If you've tried to kiss him and he pushes you away, how long before you figure-out he's not into you? It's a great mystery why people say they love their romantic partners; yet won't show any sort of affection to demonstrate their feelings. Most of the time, it is for some sort of convenience, or it's better than being alone.
Maybe his head is not quite into being gay; and he is still conflicted about his gay feelings. If he's not ready, your only option is to breakup with him. Unless you just want to be boyfriends in title only; without any affection? Let him go. It's you who wants everything. He seems to want nothing. That's the definition of incompatible.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2015): Sex is a huge part of a relationship.
I had a relationship with a guy who only wanted BJ's every day, but I got actual penetration sex perhaps three times in a 6 month relationship. It feels absolutely shitty to be 'undesired' by the one you love and want to be close to.
We need to feel intimacy with our partners, otherwise it's just a friendship. Some life circumstances make sex difficult and this can be understood, but if he doesn't know the reason and doesn't want to try to fix it, I suggest moving on. Perhaps this is a sign that you aren't compatible to be together, and he has bigger issues to deal with before he can be in a relationship.
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