A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Heya, I was just wondering if any of you could give me some advice. Background info: I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly 4 months (and we are both 16). After he had met my friends he added them on msn, etc and chats to them quite a lot. This affects me a bit, especially when they keep things between them. Nearly every Friday I go round his to watch a film and eat, etc, but now he has decided that it would be fun to invite a few of my friends this Friday. He did ask if this was OK with me (but when he asked he was assuming that it would be a problem because I couldn't be with just him) - this doesn't matter too much as it would be good to see my friends, etc, but my friends are quite a bit louder than me and he is also quite a talkative person and so the problem is more that it might be quite awkward for me as they will all talk and I will just be sitting there.Usually when I am with my friends I am quite loud and talkative, and when I am with my boyfriend I talk a bit too, but when we all hang out together I tend not to speak as much (I don't know why) and as they all chat on msn, etc, they will have lots to talk about that I won't be able to engage with properly.So basically I was just wondering if anyone could give me some help and advice on how to communicate more and feel more involved on Friday...!(PS: I do (fairly) trust him and my friends when it comes to anything more than being just friends, but he also has a girl best friend from his college which doesn't help when it comes to my insecurities and trust issues lol and he doesn't really like his guy friends that much anymore and so it just makes me feel like why does he need to take my friends? (and my friends seem to really like him). I'm sure he wouldn't like it if I invited him and a few of his guy friends to my house, but unfortunately I'm not friends with many other guys and so can't show him what it feels like lol).Sorry for the large amount of writing!Thanksxox
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey =) thanks for your answer...!
I would say that perhaps I am two different people when I'm with my friends and when I'm with him, but I think that's more because I am still yet to feel totally comfortable around him and he tends to talk a lot so I listen more than talk when I'm with him anyway lol. But good point.
Thanks for your idea about doing something on our own, it's just that we basically always do (he's only met my friends a couple of times since we started going out) and he's already invited a few of them and so I wouldn't be able to change the whole plan now =/ lol
I think I will need to think more about why I don't talk as much when I am with my friends and with my boyfriend at the same time, and this may help me to feel more comfortable with it - so thanks for giving me something to consider!
Great advice, thank you =) and if you can think of anything else to add, please feel free to add it =)
xox
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2009): You should try and plan something cute for just the two of you so that he can't invite anyone else. Also, think about why you'e freezing up when you're with you boyfriend and your friends. Could it be that you act like two different people, one when you're with them and another with your friends. If you do that, it could point to a need to please others more than yourself and low self esteem. or maybe you just don't want them to hang out, which is fine. Just do more coupley things together that he'll enjoy and he won't want to do things with them as often.
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