A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Background is that during my Childhood, my birthdays were never celebrated, presents werent brought and it was generally glossed over. My 2 younger siblings, it was a big deal, parties every year, presents, cake, the whole 9 yards. I was oldest of 2, apparently a diffiuclt child, most likely undiagnosed ADHD etc. Ive developed a low esteem of myself due to that, and a strong desire to be *the birthday girl* for all my adult life.My first husband never made a deal of it either, and hubby number 2 more often forgets than he remembers. A few days ago was the dreaded day, (im 45 now believe it or not) and again, no presents, he DID buy me a card, and he was guilted into making a cake by freinds (who never celebrated with me either).. He DOES know its a issue with me, and Im now at the stage where I just want to hide away from the world during this time. Im embarrassed to get well wishes, for people to ask what I got, when I can say I got nothing again. Its not about telling hubby its a issue, he KNOWS it is. Yet for the last 13-14 years he cant seem to organise a simple gift. I make a big deal out of his birthday, friends birthdays, my children's et and he LOVES it on his birthdays as he is spoilt and its a big occasion. I wonder if its because I am such a non-entity that people just dont with me, or Im wearing a sign that says im wanting to be the birthday princess, please ignore me!! Does he simply not respect me enough? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 March 2016):
 A lot of people don't really celebrate birthdays, he knows this is an issue for you but maybe he doesn't realize just how much. Ignore his next birthday and see how it makes him feel. Also maybe remind him that it is your birthday coming up and that you would like him to do something for it. Sometimes people need it to be spelled out to them because they are just not spontaneous enough.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 March 2016):
 Happy belated birthday!
I'm sorry, I think he is mostly being lazy, but I also don't think he REALLY understand how it feel for you each year around your birthday.
My husband is BAD with birthdays. Mine, the kids, his family, my family, friends.. He just doesn't remember. I had several years where he had forgotten what date (he remembered the month) so I got 2 birthdays - because he felt bad for having been gone the year before. He now has ALL birthdays programmed in his phone (I did that).
About a month out from MY birthday I send him a link to my "Wish list" on Amazon, so he has an idea of what I might like. Sometimes he is good at it.. sometimes he is not... He seems to think that if we NEED something for the house like... knives, that knives is a suitable presents.... Or towels.. Which honestly makes me wish he wouldn't bother.
If I were you, I would NOT make a fuss for his birthday this year. The kids yes, him, no. Now he may not mind just getting a card, but he might (you can always hope) realize that it IS nice to be fussed over ONCE a year.
We are not BIG on birthdays in my house (except for the kids) but there is ALWAYS a nice dinner, cake and a present. My husband grew up not really getting presents, his dad didn't have the money for it. So for him THAT was the norm. I ALWAYS - each year go out of my way to find something I KNOW he wants. Not something crazy expensive, but something VERY personal. Because that is how I was raised.
You could also consider throwing yourself a bash on your birthday. Invite family and friends. I know it's not the same as someone else throwing you a party, but you will have people around you who love you and who will celebrate your day with you.
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A
female
reader, kateisme  +, writes (7 March 2016):
Happy Belated Birthday to you!
It is actually nice that he buys you a card and I hope he did pen down his well wishes.
I am just thinking if you have ever mentioned to him how you would like to celebrate your birthday? Like telling him it would be nice if he can bring you somewhere for dinner or an item that you have been eyeing.
Some families I know do not celebrate birthday. They have no idea that it is a big a deal to some people and they take it very lightly as just another day.
Tell him exactly what you want.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue +, writes (7 March 2016):
 A belated "Happy Birthday' to you. Thats just plain old lazy and mean spirited of him, especially, but not too flash of an attitude from friends either. In fact hurtful. Personally I'd be pulling him up on it, not for the purpose of picking a fight, but to point out that he needs to do better, he should want to do better and that you deserve better. Let him know just how disappointed you are to have him think otherwise. You should point out that you are not expecting such fan fare as you do for him rather just an effort to show that you are important- not just the cook and the cleaner. Drive that point home next year when it comes to his.
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