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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend has a boy aged 9 from a previous relationship and I am starting to feel resentful towards him. I don't want to feel like that. But every time he comes to stay at our house he wants to sleep in my bed and I have to go and sleep in the spare room as he also wants my partner (his dad) to sleep with him. I have asked for him to sleep in the room we have for him but he refuses. Also if my partner slips away to sleep in with me, should he awake before my partner he wants him back through to sleep with him. It is pressuring my relationship as my partner does not give me my place and I feel like I am being told what to do!! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2005): Hi sweety. Firstly, please don`t start resenting his son. Has his dad sat down with him and talked to him about the way he is behaving? It sounds like the son is jealous and wants to keep his dad close to him. A relationship breakup is never easy at the best of times but it can really have an effect on children that can become a problem for them in their future.You say his son is 9 years old so he has a better awareness of things so if he just reassures him that he will always be around for his son and keep to his word things may start on the right foot. I think he just needs a lot of reassurance but his dad could say something like, 'when you come to stay we can spend all day together but at night it is time for me and my girlfriend to spend time together, so you are a big boy now and you really ought to be sleeping in the room we have done for you'.Perhaps you and your partner could tell him if he wants to change anything in that room or bring anything round to put in his room there then he can. Children sometimes just need to feel included in the simplest of things like helping to decorate their room or choose their bed etc. It makes them feel more secure sometimes.It sounds like he sees you as the person who took his daddy away from him so it may take some time but one day he should feel more relaxed around you so you really need to build bridges with him too. I hope that this helps you out a little.ake care and try to see things from the child's view. It may help.
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