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anonymous
writes:My boyfriend thinks that this site messes with my head, gives me ideas, etc. He thinks because I get on here and read these questions and try and give help, that I get ideas from what I read and that's why I'm suspicious about certain things that he does. All I say is that, stuff really does happen and I'm just watching out for myself. I personally don't think there is anything wrong with that. I enjoy reading this page and hopefully giving advice and if I don't have any, I like seeing what others have to say. Does anyone else think that my boyfriend is just trying to find something to blame on why I get suspicious about him? Help me out a little bit....please.... Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am not getting suspicions of him by reading this page, but if I do, I write on here about it to see what everyone else has to say. I do NOT not trust my boyfriend, I love him very much and wouldn't ever think of him cheating on me and such. I do have suspicions, but not that bad of ones. These are just little lies that he tells me and then I find out from another. When I find this kinda stuff out, he likes to think it's because of this site I get suspicious. We do have great communication, because if we didn't, I would go bonkers from thinking all the time. I'm an over thinker, which isn't good, but I am getting better. Thanks for all of your guys' advice. I do appreciate it very much!
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reader, Wendyg  +, writes (22 January 2007):
 Unless of course the angle to this is that its giving you more fuel for your misconceptions ? Its all very well reading something, gaining knowledge, power, and understanding, but are you on here for your own reasons, or are you on here to try and relate the things you read to your boyfriend ?
Are you over analysing your relationship as a consequence, and all he was merely saying is that he doesnt get any breathing space, as whatever he says or does you have read about it on here and come to the conclusion of 2+2 = 1 million! Perhaps without realsing it you read things on here and then start to look for those things in your bf ? Makes you suspicious of him, and all he was trying to say is look im innocent, its your imagination running wild, not saying any of this is the case, but perhaps he did just mean that your using this site to analyse your relationship, which is not the thing to do, we are all very different, very unique and it all comes down to communication, understanding, trust and the ability to be flexible with one another.
Look after each other.
Take care x x
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reader, cd206 +, writes (22 January 2007):
 I think there's an element of truth in what your boyfriend says. As you are no doubt aware the majority of people who write on here have problems with their love lives. A minority of people are imagining problems. I agree that it is good to be informed about what to look out for with guys but you shouldn't let these impact on a healthy relationship. Suspicion kills relationships faster than anything else so just remember that while your boyfriend isn't perfect if you don't have any reasons not to trust him you owe him the benefit of the doubt. Don't let the horrible dating stories on this site put you off your own happy ever after.
CD
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2007): Sorry change the comment, at the end of my posting. I wrote:
"All I can say, if he's doing things that you've learned in line with everyone else's worldview...maybe he has to rethink his own behaviours." to....
"All I can say, if he's doing things that you've learned that is not in line with everyone else's worldview...maybe he has to rethink his own behaviours."
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2007): I'm always leery of any guy who tries to control your behavior one way or another. You said yourself, he's worried about you getting ideas and if that's such a scary thing to him, you need to either look into it why he feels that way. Is there something he's trying to hide? What could be so intimidating about a woman gaining knowledge and experience from others experiences? You're absolutely right about one thing, this is about you and what you want to do. Don't change that for any one, epecially a man. If he should start having problems with friends and family members, for "your" so called benefit or that of the relationship..... get out of the relationship as fast as you can.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2007): As Martini stated, 'knowlege is power' and you do have to form your own opinions. But I agree with you, there is nothing wrong with reading about other people's experiences and thoughts. Why on earth would reading information and other people's opinions make him feel this way? Did he like you better when you were 'none the wiser'. What does that say about him? What happens is when we read things, we form an opinion, for eg: "I agree with that' or "No, I disagree' or "Wow-that's a different way of viewing it' . Yes, sites like this do open one's eyes to their own world and we do sometimes question other people's behaviours, in our own lives. We become enlightened and we smarten up a bit. He sounds deeply intimidated about the fact that you are learning things, that may be affecting how you view him or what he's doing. All I can say, if he's doing things that you've learned that in line with everyone else's worldview...maybe he has to rethink his own behaviours.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2007): Reading other people's advice and threads influences you one way or another, but that's with everything. Knowledge is power. Your boyfriend however isn't wrong.
Whatever problems you have with him is just the lack of open communication, and of course, personal issues out of each other's influence. In short, all the advice, debates, and discussions here on DearCupid or any other relationship help site is to give guidance. It's good to read through them and form your own ideas, but it's never a good thing to have the sites influence you too much. Ultimately, a lot of details are missing in threads and posts. Only you and your partner(s) know the actual problems and only you and your partner(s) can initiate change or upgrades in your lifetstyles together.
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