A
female
age
41-50,
*ovegirl09
writes:Dear Everyone,Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 months, he lives an hour away and I come to stay at his home every weekend. He lives with his 14y/o daughter. I never been with a man who has a teenager daugther before so I don't know how to react or communicate with 14 year girl.She and I never talked, we just say hi or hello, I know that she has no problem that her father is dating me. I am also nice to her, I bought her present and stuff. I feel like I want to get to know her more and I want to know how she feels about me dating her father.The thing is my boyfriend has a hard time guiding/discipline her, she has everything she needs/wants, she doesn't do anything at home and getting trouble in school because she talks back to teachers and has attitude to friends. She is on cheeleader team and won National Championship but failing on PE class. My boyfriend has been trying to include in our activities (movies, dinner etc) but she chose to spend her time with her friends or staying over at friends home. She never wanted to spend time with him.She is not that close to her mom and her other siblings, she chose to live with her father because they get along well but they are not close anymore.I understand that every teenager wants to be different than their parents and doesn't like to spend time anyomre with their parents but few days ago my boyfriend told me his daughter was telling her mother that she is jealous of me. I really don't know how to handle this. I know she has nothing againts me and infact I know that she is okay with me dating her father.I guess I am just consfuse, what should I do ? Should I just keep seeing my boyfriend and see how his daugther react in the future ? Or should I try to get closer to her. I don't want my boyfriend to think that I am taking over his parenting job and trying to be her mother. I just want to know what is the right thing to do to handle situation like this without me end up feeling uncomfortable.Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2007): the fact they live together shows to me that its not a case of you invading her space and time with her dad.its a bit sad that you say shes not close to her mum and the rest of the family.she chose to live with her dad but she has to understand that just as she has her friends and normal activities outside of their relationship so does her father i.e.you.she in only 14 so i think its up to you to make more of an effort to talk to her.just normal stuff 'where are you off to tonight?''did you see that tv prog lastnight?'etc.make the first move and if she doesnt respond then thats up to her.ive been struggling to communicate with my fellas 14yr old for 3yrs now and havent got anywhere.it a bit more serious though as he is like this with everyone and is now getting some help.he also confided in his mother(apparently)and said he wanted more one on one time with his dad.he too isnt close to his mother so we didnt know who to believe.his dad had already been going round there twice a wk to be with him.how long was she on her own with her dad before he met you?whatever the case i dont think its right for you to have to take a backseat.just make more effort to get to know her.her dad needs to talk to her about all the other stuff.dont forget shell be off soon going out more and more with her mates etc.anyways good luck.
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