A
female
age
36-40,
*ittle_aphrodite
writes:Please give me advice.. I have a boyfriend. He is a very very jealous man. He never allows me to attend my friend's birthday party or any party in my college because he said there will be many handsome guys there.He also calls me many times in a day. He even usually wants to do video call to know where i am..When we are talking on phone, he never allow me to reply a messege frm my friends..He gets angry so easily.. He said he had slapped his ex girlfriend because she didn't obey what my boyfriend said..He said he did all of those things becase he loves me so much.. I love him too..I have told him, make him sure that i don't love anyone.. I asked him to give me a bit time to gather with my friends..But he said "choose me or your friends".. I'm afraid because he looks like psyco sometimes.. He doesn't want me to have any connections with other people except him..I'm so confuse.. I love him.. But i can't stand anymore with his "rules"..What should i do..?
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (20 January 2011):
 If he threatens suicide, then you have to tell his parents before you leave. Or call 911. Really, most people who threaten to do suicide like that are doing it for attention and your boyfriend is doing it to mess with your head. True suicidal people don't waste time in taking themselves out of this world.
Good luck little Aphrodite! Take charge of your life!
A
female
reader, Little_aphrodite +, writes (20 January 2011):
Little_aphrodite is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you for all.. U opened my eyes and gave me strength..
By the way two days ago he deleted all of my friends in facebook. I have almost 500 friends there. And he deleted all. He said i can add maximum 10 ppl in facebook. Crazy, right?!
I'm angry on him. I had enough!
So today i decided to move on. Next week i will disappear and move to another city. I know if i still stay here and i ask to break up like before, maybe he will do suicide. Because had warned like that before.
I realize i have to leave him asap.. It's not easy for me.. But life must go on, right? I want to have a normal life.. I hope i will have enough strength to do it..
Once again thank you so much for all of your help..
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A
female
reader, LustyLisa +, writes (19 January 2011):
You may need the help of law enforcement to leave this guy. He's exhibiting all of the characteristics of an abuser. It's starts out with extreme jealousy, then controlling who your contacts are ( family, friends, co-workers ) and if/when you are "allowed" to see them. This allows him to isolate and attempt to brain wash and control you further by allienating you from anyone who cares about you and interfer with the hold he has over you.
Abusers are always sorry and renmorsefull when you get away and even threaten to hurt/kill themselves if you don't come back. Don't fall for that one, it's all an act! They are only sorry you got away from their clutches and once you are back, the jealously, controlling and abusive behavior will esculate further until you are either completely under his thumb or dead (look what happened to Nicole Brown-Simpson, she was murdered by her abusive ex-husband years after they divorced!)
My advice to you is get way from this guy ASAP and enlist whatever help you need to make it final! You desrve better!
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (19 January 2011):
Wow, and he's caused physical pain to himself? This guy needs psychiatric help asap! You have to muster up the courage to leave, of course he's going to make you feel bad and go to the extremes of harming himself. But you have to understand that's him doing that to himself, it's not your fault he's not right in the head. Leave and suggest that he seek mental help, he really needs it!
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A
female
reader, Little_aphrodite +, writes (19 January 2011):
Little_aphrodite is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for all of your advices.. I appreciate it so much..
You are right, i have to run from him soon.. And i have tried it.. I have tried to disappear and stay away from him..
But he always beg to me to not leave him..
And the last time i when i asked to break up about 3 weeks ago, he did 1 thing that i never thought..
He slashed his hand with knife until bleeding..
He did it with crying and begging to me..
I know i'm so stupid.. I feel so weak everytime i'm with him..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): These are the warning signs of an abuser. They are overly controlling, possessive and jealous. They also work to systematically isolate you from any type of support system such as friends or family.
If I were you I'd run for the hills as fast as my legs could carry me before things get way out of hand. You won't be sorry you did but believe me you will be sorry if you stay.
Just try google 'signs of an abuser' and I bet you your boyfriend will display more than a few of the signs.
Goodluck, if you stay with him you'll need more than that! Believe me, iv been there!
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (18 January 2011):
Oh my. Who does he think he is? Your father?
You are a grown woman who can make her own decisions. This boyfriend is not only jealous, but he's also possessive, potentially abusive, and controlling.
So he gave you an ultimatum, him ore your friends. I suggest you choose your friends and tell him to stick this relationship and his "rules" where the sun don't shine. Walk away from him. If you decide to stay, the rules will only get stricter and pretty soon he'll end up hitting you like he did his ex girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 What should you do?? I suggest that you RUN!
This man is manipulative and controlling and if he admits to slapping his ex gf, then a physical abuser as well.
Not boyfriend material at all.
He will continue to block your activities, your friends, you family, your life until HE is happy that he is controlling your every move.
You are young - do you really want to spend your life being controlled by him?
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A
female
reader, missyfit +, writes (18 January 2011):
 Dear little aphrodite,
I want to be honest with you if you don't mind.
Your boyfriend seems to be very controlling of your life. He is obssessed with you and he always wants his way. relationship is build on trust and if he truly loves you, he should trust you that you would remain faithful to him even if you go to these college parties. I know how you feel because I've been in your shoes before. Don't you feel a little suffocated? I feel like he wants you to revolve in his life and that is not right. you said "When we are talking on phone, he never allow me to reply a messege frm my friends.." you should balance your life.
boyfriend, girlfriends, party, college, etc. That's life and I don't want you to miss any minute of it. you said he slapped his ex because she didn't obey what he said... that's abuse hun and not love at all. If he truly loves you, he would let you go to these parties and trust you. Please, if he ever lays a hand on you, tell someone. because i am telling you, that is not love at all.
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