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female
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anonymous
writes: sorry, kinda long. Hi. My boyfriend of almost a year and i were planning to go away for a couple of days on vacation in the carribean right after my finals in school were over. Two of my professors moved their tests up one week so that we could get done earlier with the school year. With that in mind, i told my bf my schedule and we made plans to catch a flight the day after my last final. However, i learned last night in lecture that the professors can't move up the test because it interferes with school policy/syllabus and now the tests are to be given at the time i was supposed to be on vacation.I was so outraged and upset and after speaking to the professor to see if anything could be done, she said nothing could be done. I was so upset and called my bf. He was so angry and disappointed, which he had a right to be afterall, but then he said he was waiting for something like this to happen. He said it was a little coincidental that all this happens two weeks from the day we're supposed to go away. He didnt really believe me, and after talking with him for a long time and explaining how i had no control over the situation, he got all defensive saying that i never pull through on committments and that i always have some kind of excuse to not do something (which really isn't true). I told him i'd email the dean and other professors to see if i can change the date but i know deep down that it wont matter. He even offered to call the school and pretend to be my finace or something and insist that we paid money for that week and it's the school's fault for telling their students about the wrong date to take exams.I know he's angry and upset but this situation is not my fault and i can't do anything about it. He says i dont care about going away and maybe i really didn't ever want to go, which hurts me because i was really looking foward to going. Am i completely off base here or is he overreacting and being a little immature?Thanks for listening
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female
reader, stina  +, writes (7 December 2006):
 Hi Anonymous,
I agree with you and the poster below: he is overreacting, being immature, and being ridiculous. If the change in date is out of your hands, then how can it be your fault? There is no way that the university is going to change their policy because you guys want to go on a vacation, so he needs to just calm down. Sure, it's a sucky situation, but getting angry over it is not going to do anything except get the both of you worked up.
Is there any way that you can just reschedule your vacation? Hopefully you got refundable tickets. Other than that, I don't see why you wouldn't be able to change your plans. If the hotel you booked is full for the time you want to go, then maybe you could just stay another one.
I also find it strange that he would explode about this and say it's your fault. I think you two need to have a discussion about what's really going on and why he is really upset. If you two have open communication and tell each other things so they don't build up, then this sort of thing probably wouldn't happen. Unless maybe he just has a bad temper all around? Well, whatever the reason, this sort of outburst really should be talked about so it doesn't happen again. He shouldn't make you feel like you're the one to blame in situations like this!
Take care.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2006): Of course he's overreacting. This situation is beyond your control. He is being ridiculous; using terms like 'you always' and 'you never' when arguing with you is unhelpful and solves nothing. Rather than venting about how unjust it all is, he might put his time into thinking of a solution to the problem.
Don't contact him until he calms down and calls you. And make sure you get an apology. You don't 'always' try to get out of things and you don't 'never' follow through on commitments. Be sure to point this out to him when he comes to his senses. He needs to grow up a bit!
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