A
female
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anonymous
writes:me and my best friend/ex used 2 be close ..we used 2 spend everyday together until he met this lad.. who edged his way in and turned him against me..well made him take pictures of me and him off his myspace.. mentally tells him to stop seeing me. they will only be on msn if the other one is on it. i will get ignored when his lover comes on. and they will both sign out together and i dont spend any time with him anymore because hes there and im not wanted. but my friend doesn't care. ive tried but he doesn't seem to care. ive tried speeking about it to him but he doesnt seem to be botherd. our friendship was special and i dont know how he can let this person rule me out. im running out of options. everyday it upsets me. I get nowhere. I cant walk away or find a new friend. people dont understand who say that. can someone help
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female
reader, hatetospoildefun  +, writes (13 February 2012):
I'm also facing the same problems now with my close friends. It's really saddening. We started as strangers last year and became really close friends. For school work and stuff we'll always be online and encouraging one another to complete our work. We ended up being really good students that scored well. However, after the school semester ended, we had a 2 months break. We sort of drifted off I guess. It was fine when we continued the school term, but I realised that they were closer now. They could find more interests I talk about like soccer matches (I don't watch soccer) and whatever dramas. When I talk to them, they never looked me in the eye anymore. When I ask her a question, she answers to my other close friend. It always happens. Like the other close friend asked the question, and I was just transparent. It really saddens me.For project work, they reject my ideas. Even how hard I work, they will just dismiss it. I tried to get feedback from them but all they did was to stay silent and redo the parts I have done on their own. Without telling me. My long hours of hardwork down the drain. Just like that. And they didn't cared to give me an explanation. And it matters to me alot, because it affects my presentation on the project.There are still do many accounts that I would like to share. Because I have been keeping it in my heart till now. I have started to build hatred for them and I hate myself for that because they are my friends and I shouldn't be doing this. Even though I try to start anew I cannot look at them the same way as before. Plus the fact they rather spend time without me.It's difficult to find a new group of friends. What should I do? It's something I have to face with everyday. I miss my old group of friends but we hardly get to meet because we're in different schools now. I'm just an extra person in their lives that should be gotten rid of.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2012): we have the same situation.but in my case, i waited for him for almost seven years for nothing...he seems so sweet to me and very concern everytime...but now that he has a girfriend he totally ignores me and evrytime i asked him to bond with me all i get is a pure REJECTION.. it really hurts because he keeps pushing me away...
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female
reader, lonely friend  +, writes (28 January 2010):
I feel EXACTLY the same!! By the way, I'm also in the same situation with my bestfriend. My bestfriend now has a boyfriend and they decide to marriage :( I'm jelous, I confess .. but it dosn't matter. I miss her everytime. We used to be very closed, now her boyfriend (future husband ¬¬) alredy lives in her house and we do not have more time for us. And my friend?? She dosn't care about.. she spends all her free time with him.. that's not just.. I want my friend back... :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2009): I am in the same situation right now also.
My best friend and i were really close. We done everything together, i was always there for him when no one else was and i always made such a huge effort with him. Then...
He met this guy. At first my friend still made an effort to see me but soon after it was getting less and less.
Now i don't get to see him at all and things just arn't the same. He doesn't spend any time with me. I get less texts calls and no effort being made on his part to see each other. I have tried talking to my friend about this and he just gets really mad with me saying that i am just being silly and its all in my head. He even tells me that he doesn't make an effort to really see anyone now because he likes spending all his spare time with his boyfriend. But yet he still makes time for a few of his other friends 2.
I did start of being jealous because i felt like my best friend was being taken from me. I just didn't understand why he couldn't spend time with both of us thats all i asked for was some of his time.
When ever they had an argument it was actually great ( i know this sounds selfish) because it was the only time that things would go back to normal,
I got really emotional on the phone to him and he just got really mad with me he was saying to me that of course things would be different cause his circumstances had changed and he had a boyfriend now and i was just a friend so he shouldn't have to compare his boyfriend to me.
Things just wern't the same. I carried on making an effort but it was always me texting and he would answer sometimes or it would be only me calling him.
After a few weeks of this we had another argument for the same reasons but this time he told me that i was just jealous if he was spending time with anyone but me and that he felt like he didn't want to see me because i was like this all the time and that i was pushing him away even though he was actually pushing me away.
The thing is things still arnt right and it hurts so so much every day, its all i can think about. I have told him that i just feel rejected and that he doesn't seem to care but i just cant give up. I have learnt that you just need to leave them to get on with it. One day i promice you he will realise what a good friend he has lost. You just need to be there when he needs you. I find it really hard to make an effort with his boyfriend because i feel that he is the reason for us being like this but you just have to accept that they are happy. Being nice to his boyf will actually make your friend think again.
Its hard for any of my other friends to understand but you do just need to try and take your mind off of it my seeing some other friends etc its hard but it will get easier it is seriously like a grieving process..
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female
reader, Maggie jonas  +, writes (27 April 2009):
I have a similar problem with my best friend. Sometimes walking away is the best for you& your friend. If not, talk to your friend and if you can't talk about it with someone you trust and ask what they think. Tell your friend how your feeling and if they don't care then they are obviously not the right friend for you. I how this helped and good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): If your best friend was a REAL best friend, then he shouldn't let his wife be in the way of your relationship. If I were you, I would look for another friend. Who knows, you may find a better one. Its going to be hard to move on, but sadly you have to. And I was in the same situation. I looked for a new friend and I found a better one.
Hope that helped you & good luck to you and your best friend.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2008): Yes..It's so hard losing a bestfriend. I'm also in the same situation. I have a bestfriend we're so close but now we're apart since she got married. I don't know why? Even her marriage she kept it secret, if I ask her question I don't know if she's telling me the truth. I'm also married with 4 kids but I have time for her. I really care for her, so hard to move on..I realized that I'm really not her bestfriend bec. she doesn't even cares for me..I hope we can move on..someday maybe we'll know someone who's better bestfriend than her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2008): Yes..It's so hard losing a bestfriend. I'm also in the same situation. I have a bestfriend we're so close but now we're apart since she got married. I don't know why? Even her marriage she kept it secret, if I ask her question I don't know if she's telling me the truth. I'm also married with 4 kids but I have time for her. I really care for her, so hard to move on..I realized that I'm really not her bestfriend bec. she doesn't even cares for me..I hope we can move on..someday maybe we'll know someone who's better bestfriend than her.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2008): Hey Im having the xact same problem the only difference is My best friend is a female and Im also running out of options.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2008): Girl if your freind really cared about you like he say he did he wouldn't have let his fiance take over and he wouldn't of abandon you. Why should you even waste your time on someone that doesn't want to be botherd with you,doesn't even care about your feelings. And if you tried every thing that you could to save the freindship and you still get the same results then let him go. It's not worth it,in the long run it's gonna really hurt you and that's not good for your health. I know it's not gonna be easy and I know you are use to him being But you really have to get over it and feel the feeling and let go and once you do that you will be ok. Trust me and you will find a better true freind that apperciate you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes i love him. and his lover (he's bi) is very controlling.. and has won really. im left everyday lonely because he has sold me out for this new lad
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male
reader, Smiffy  +, writes (29 May 2008):
 Sounds like your "best friend / Ex" is gay....never mind...chin up..you deserve better....
It hurts..but it does get better...move on with your life...keep your eye open for the next hunky guy...
Good Luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): Girl, let him b with his girl.You should just focus on your relationship with your boyfriend.If u dont have 1 then thats the problem there.If you dont have a boyfriend then you should so you can focus more on your relationship than his.Good Luck and I love you.(Pssst,do you have a crush on him?Just asking.)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): Is your friend gay? Maybe his lover is jelous of you and you friends relationship. If that's the case then I think that this new guy could be controlling and a danger to you friend. I think you should talk to your friend somehow alone and just ask him if the new guy is jelous and try and help him. These situations can be tricky you don't want to bother him to much because he new guy could find out and get violent but you also want to help and protect your friend. Best thing get him alone and talk. Always be safe. The best thing you can do is support him .sometimes people have to learn for themselves that the person is not right for them. Support him if he reaches out. Maybe talking to a domestic violence counsler would help you have some insite. Sorry if I jumped the gun it's just I was in an abusive relationship and the first thing my abuser did to me was not allow me to have contact with me friends, so your story just sent up some red flags. Good luck and be safe.
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