A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I have two very close friends. One is a girl, one's a boy (E.). They are dating, but the three of us are close friends since we've known each other for three years now (my friend's have been dating for 1 and a half years now).Point is, I have a new boyfriend since a couple of months and he thinks that E. and I are too close. He told me that he doesn't trust him and that he doesn't want me to hang out with him.I am just so crazy about him, so I told E. that he had to back off, because my boy doesn't trust us together.Now I know that nothing will happen between us, and I told my boyfriend, but even the fact that E. is my best friend's longtime boyfriend won't convince him.E. got very mad when I told him to back off, because we have been friends for such a long time.I really want my relationship to work out, but I miss my friend so much! My boyfriend refuses to sit down and talk about it and E. is now mad at the both of us.My other friend is somewhat caught in between..What should I do? How in the world can I fix this?T.H.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009): Hi,It's me again. Thank you so much for your advice!! It's been awhile and some things have happened over the past weeks. I'll try to explain what happened.I tried getting everyone together, but that just raised the tension as none of us knew what to talk about. We all tried to avoid talking about the weeks before, and that just didn't work. Even Eddy, normally the social guy who always has something to say (not in an unpleasant way ;) ), barely spoke a word.So when I got home I was very sad and more messed up than I already was about this. I hoped this would at least improve the situation. Maybe it was too soon..So I started thinking about what to do when Eddy came to see me a couple of days later. He said he had thought about what to do and he talked to his girlfriend too about it. He said: ' I considered moving on and leave you and your boyfriend alone just to punish you, but I can't just walk away. I could ignore your boyfriend and make your life miserable, but I'm not someone who'd do that. Leaves me with trying to deal with it..'I was so incredibly happy! I perhaps don't deserve him being so forgiving and I know that, so I'm grateful for having such a good friend!Eddy often invites a group of his friends to hang out at his place on Friday nights and his band's there too. We always sit singing and Ed playing guitar. He said me and my boyfriend should come too next Friday.So I talked to my boyfriend and I told him Eddy was my friend and that I wanted it to stay that way. Eddy had definitely shown his good intentions and now it was up to my boyfriend or else he would be out of the picture. (It took me days to get enough courage to do it but it helped, .. thnx).So he came with me that Friday and to my surprise Eddy and him went into the garden to talk. Neither said a word about what they discussed over there, but after they came back they seemed to act normal towards each other.Now things are getting better, I don't want to force them to be friends. But two days ago the four of us actually went shopping and the guys were standing outside of the shoestore all boyish talk about the number of shoes we already had haha. (I happen to know they both have more shoes than they can count.. =] ).Thanks again for helping me. I hope things will improve even more!T.H.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009): Hi,It's me again. Thank you so much for your advice!! It's been awhile and some things have happened over the past weeks. I'll try to explain what happened.I tried getting everyone together, but that just raised the tension as none of us knew what to talk about. We all tried to avoid talking about the weeks before, and that just didn't work. Even Eddy, normally the social guy who always has something to say (not in an unpleasant way ;) ), barely spoke a word.So when I got home I was very sad and more messed up than I already was about this. I hoped this would at least improve the situation. Maybe it was too soon..So I started thinking about what to do when Eddy came to see me a couple of days later. He said he had thought about what to do and he talked to his girlfriend too about it. He said: ' I considered moving on and leave you and your boyfriend alone just to punish you, but I can't just walk away. I could ignore your boyfriend and make your life miserable, but I'm not someone who'd do that. Leaves me with trying to deal with it..'I was so incredibly happy! I perhaps don't deserve him being so forgiving and I know that, so I'm grateful for having such a good friend!Eddy often invites a group of his friends to hang out at his place on Friday nights and his band's there too. We always sit singing and Ed playing guitar. He said me and my boyfriend should come too next Friday.So I talked to my boyfriend and I told him Eddy was my friend and that I wanted it to stay that way. Eddy had definitely shown his good intentions and now it was up to my boyfriend or else he would be out of the picture. (It took me days to get enough courage to do it but it helped, .. thnx).So he came with me that Friday and to my surprise Eddy and him went into the garden to talk. Neither said a word about what they discussed over there, but after they came back they seemed to act normal towards each other.Now things are getting better, I don't want to force them to be friends. But two days ago the four of us actually went shopping and the guys were standing outside of the shoestore all boyish talk about the number of shoes we already had haha. (I happen to know they both have more shoes than they can count.. =] ).Thanks again for helping me. I hope things will improve even more!T.H.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (8 July 2009):
 This is a red flag. Your boyfriend should not tell you who you can and can't be friends with unless your friend has done something very disrespectful. That is controlling behavior and it's not fair to make you choose.
Put your boyfriend in check. Tell him you are willing to hang out with E in groups, or with your best friend around, but you are not going to cut off your friendship and he has to find a way to deal with that. He has to be reasonable about this. If he refuses to talk about it, or refuses to let you be around him in any way, you will need to drop him.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): I'm not sure how much this will help, but just as an idea, can you organise to spend some time together as the 4 of you? It could help your boyfriend to see you with E, as well as to see E with his girlfriend.
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