A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey all. My boyfriend is 23 and we have been together for just over 3 years now. I love him a lot but I can't help but feel worried about this certain situation.My boyfriend has always been the type of guy who is really friendly and helpful and has always had a ton of friends. He always helps people with their problems and is always there for people. I'm happy that a lot of people like him and he's always a really friendly guy, but he is also an extremely horny guy and can come off very flirty to other women sometimes. This never bothered me until my boyfriend met another girl through his friend group. This girl seems to be very interested in my boyfriend and I have heard her say several flirty comments to him. She also comes off very flirty just like my boyfriend. Now, my boyfriend would never flirt with this girl in front of me, but I do have a feeling that when I'm not around some flirting behind my back could possibly be happening between my boyfriend and this girl. I don't think my boyfriend would physically cheat with her, but since he is so friendly and a naturally flirty person (she is as well), I'm scared that emotional cheating may start happening between these two.Why I feel like this is because my boyfriend is not the type of person that would tell a girl to stop her flirty behavior with him. He may not actually flirt back, but he is just not the type of guy who would be rude to another woman and tell her to stop the flirting, and I think this woman may be getting the wrong idea from him, and that is what worries me. I have already seen a couple occasions where my boyfriend will talk to this girl for hours through the night helping her and supporting her through some personal issues that she is going through. That's fine, I'm glad my boyfriend was there to help, but later I'm on Facebook and on his timeline I see about 5 posts from her telling him how glad she is to have him and how close they're getting and that she loves him, hearts and smiley's everywhere, just everything. (I know it's just Facebook, but what she said to him is the point)So I'm in a situation here where I have a very friendly and sometimes flirty boyfriend who has become friends with another flirty woman who is very flirty with him and seems to be very interested in him. My boyfriend isn't going to tell this girl to stop her behavior (and I'm not going to say anything to her) and I even feel like they're really starting to get emotionally attached. I hope I don't seem like a crazy girlfriend, because that's the last thing I want to be. Is it right for me to be worried about this? Do you think I have a problem here?
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female
reader, Pali305  +, writes (16 April 2013):
Ugh. Sweet heart take my advice !!!! Number one your not crazy! You know how they always say follow your gut instinct .. Well now is the time. My husband is like that.. Especially at 23!!( the horny years )! you really need toSet boundaries with your man! You need to speak to himAbout this, because his flirting will get him in alot if trouble. I'm going to tell you just likeHow I tellEveryone else... He can say anything he wants about this girl , but Remeber she still have a v****a! .. It could eventually lead toSomething more unless you put an end to this. And if you have to you need to say something to this Girl because I know I will . And honestly I would try to get in his head.. You should ask himBefore you do anything , to choose either being friends with her or being in a relationship with you . Now, he will try to make you sound crazy and insecure ! Don't fallFor it. If he doesn't end this friendly relationship with her .. It might just be more than flirting .. You never know. My husband was just like that... He went fromHelping a friend out to sending flirty messages to her behind my back. And they only way I found out was threw his deleted iPhone messages . ill make this short .. talk to him about this, if nothing gets resolved he can have a choice , cutt her off or be with you.. If it doesn't happend then you need to sit down and think again about your relationship . Because if he isn't willing to break off this friendship he never will. And girls like that will always go to your boyfriend for everything.. Allow if the man allows it..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): I don't think you are crazy and being very strong about all of it. LMAO....u could always take lots of pictures with your baby and make him put them up on facebook! Evil laughing!!! Maybe that will get the point across her head to back the **** off ur man! If that doesn't work...cut to drastic measures and prance around in something sexy while he is on the phone with her. If he doesn't hang up....that's for sure when u should worry. My last advice is somewhat scary but....maybe just talking with him and telling him how you feel would help. Guys are sometimes stupid & just be like how would you feel if I was doing this with a guy? If he doesn't stop the relationship fine whatever but he better tell her over facebook that he has a girlfriend and that they can only be friends cuz his **** is not on the market. hehehe and to get yourself a pretend guy friend it'll drive him nuts. (Hopefully) I wish you the best of luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): The thing about "flirty" people is they love attention. The difficulty with being in a relationship with flirty people, is that they almost always get it. When you decide to have a romantic long-term relationship with the type, knowing all their good and bad points at the beginning; you have to learn to adapt to the behavior. Only to an extent.You sit down and have an adult conversation and establish parameters on behavior that may strain, if not destroy, the relationship. You cannot control the feelings nor the actions of other adults. You can only make "compromise" on keeping a reign on behavior that may upset the other. Then you try to establish trust.If you are an attractive female. The aggressive type of male will hit on you, and will make sure you receive all his signals of admiration. Your boyfriend is aware of this; even when you're not. This is a challenge he must face often when you're both out in public together. He is fending off these males who challenge him as a man, and attempt to get your response to their advances, in spite of his presence. All they need is your eye-contact.Men have to learn to deal with these challenges, and often women inadvertently are receptive to winks, smiles, and other subtle "flirtations" they presume their male partners are unaware of. Some women flaunt their beauty, pretending to be offended by advances by other men. When in fact they love it. This is their opportunity to see their man come to their defense. This is where women level the field.Then there are veiled, yet sexually-loaded, remarks that men make in your presence that go completely over your head. He has to sit there with his male-ego in one hand, and your hand in the other. Deciding on how to properly handle the situation without a fight, and ruining a wonderful date with you. You're sitting there with a sweet innocent smile on your face, and he is seething with anger and pissed that the guy had the audacity.You will receive dozens of friending requests from male strangers on Facebook. You may reject them, but he is totally unaware of how many hits you are receiving. Don't pretend some of these guys aren't really hot. If you told me you weren't tempted to friend them, you'd be lying. How many hunks have you friended that you probably never even met? You just liked his pic. Don't fib about it.What I'm getting at, is there is a level playing field out there between men and women. He is as often faced with men trying to get next to you, as you are with women wanting your hot flirty boyfriend. When you fling your luxurious hair, cross your sexy legs in your cute little short skirt, do you really think he is the only male in the room that notices? How do you think he feels when other guys are straining their necks to see what they're not supposed to; when that little skirt shrinks ever-so-slightly above the thigh? Think he isn't aware, you're wrong. He trusts it's only for him.You have to realize that the things women are insecure about, men are just as uncomfortable with. We may have a different way of responding or reacting. Some guys respond aggressively to their jealousy. They're total tools, and jump at the least provocation. Their girlfriend shrinks in embarrassment; as they're thrown out of a club or restaurant.A true gentlemen is subtle to your detection; but he gets the point across to disrespectful A-holes hitting on you. He cuts a cold hard stare at his adversary; sending the message he'll body-slam him against a bathroom wall. If he doesn't reel in his tongue, and put his eyes back in their sockets. While you're sitting at the table chatting and giggling away. All innocent and cutesy. While you may want to look sexy and pretty only for him, any heterosexual male within eye-shot notices your every move. You might visibly resist all their flirtations. Even avert their fresh advances with indignation. You are really flattered; because you have been confirmed to be a hottie. Think he doesn't realize it? He's proud you're with him.You even get a rush out of shooting them down. If you wear a low-cut plunging neckline, exposing cleavage; you are sending an invitation to all admiring male eyes to take a peek. Even gay men notice. We like perky boobs too!This girl is definitely flattered with his attention and dieing to jump in the sack at the first opportunity. However; he has to make a conscious choice of how this will affect his relationship with you; and the consequences if you find out he cheated. Oh, she'll make sure you find out.Only after a few nasty rumbles in the sack to get him hooked.It's a battle men have to face while trying to keep their mates feeling secure and trusting. If he is a cheater by nature, he will cheat. He will definitely get caught; because subconsciously cheaters want to be. There's a cheap thrill in cheating, at the risk of being caught. They get off on the drama of being "exposed." Your guy isn't like that. Express your discomfort directly. You are then giving notice that the exchange is approaching a level bordering a problem in your relationship; and he is chiseling away at your trust. Just as their mutual admiration intensifies; so is your tolerance of it. Approaching her, will only feed into her satisfaction in knowing you feel threatened, and there is a breach in trust. She's hitting close to home, and there's a lot of fun in upsetting an "insecure" girlfriend. There is bound to be a fight, which frees him to be pursued. Carefully plot your strategy dear, and keep your poker face. The secret is to let him know that you hold his balls in your pretty little grip; and if things don't settle down, you'll squeeze. Hard!Remind Mr. Wonderful, guys who care about their girlfriends, don't keep her worrying whether another woman's problems require so much of his time and attention. Nip it at the bud. TALK TO HIM! Don't pretend it doesn't bother you. She's counting on him dismissing your concerns, while she plays the damsel in distress. She's manipulatinghim by stroking his ego. Hopefully not by another part of his anatomy. You must speak up and run "interference." Hope you understand football analogies. He'll get the message. If he doesn't; then it's time to consider whether putting up with their mutual flirting is worth it. If he cares, he'll come around and prove it to you. Is a fling worth a breakup?If he chose you to be his girlfriend over others; you must have something he knows other guys want. He's reminded every time you wear your sexiest outfit. Trust me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): hey hun,
you're perfectly entitled to be worried. But if I were you I would sit down with him and explain your feelings about the whole situation. Let him know that you trust him, but that you feel uneasy about her intentions and you would rather he didn't give her opportunity to throw herself all over him.
Being the nice guy that he is, hopefully your bf will understand and stop interacting with her so much. You come first.
If he doesn't change the way they engage, then you can start worrying.
Also, try becoming friends with her. That way they'll be transparency all round :-)
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