A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Should my aunt have to pay any money to her fella?Ok would just like some opinions on this please.My aunt was living with her ex for 8 years. When they split up her ex kept on the rent of the house and they had taken a loan out which was in my aunty’s name so my aunt is left with this £150 a month loan. On top of that there are various other commitments totalling £5-600 a month.Before my aunt met her current fella, she was renting a flat but gave up this flat to move back home with her folks cause she couldn’t hardly afford to live and the place was so cold. The idea was to go home to save, but then she met her current fella. He is earning a little bit more than my aunt and has his own mortgaged place, which he has been living in for about 6 years. When they first met they went absolutely everywhere – London, Paris, Alton Towers, expensive meals etc, etc and my aunt soon was spending more money than she was saving as they used to go halves on everything.Seven months down the line and they are talking about getting a place together. My aunt’s fella (I’ll call him Alex) has only a very small one bedroom flat, with no garden. My aunt said that she couldn’t move in with him fully because there isn’t really anywhere to store her stuff and she didn’t know where she’d dry her clothes (Alex has trouble with this) so she kind of lives at her folks house, but also at Alex’s flat. She will go home after work to have a shower, make her packed lunch for work and get changed. Then she will drive to Alex’s to be with him at around 7 and stay there until it’s time to go to work in the morning. They also go shopping weekly, go halves on the bill and my aunt will cook Alex a meal every evening when she goes to his. On top of this, they still go out quite a bit together. Well now, Alex’s friends and family have now started saying that my aunt should be paying him rent and half the bills!! My aunt is barely left with any money each month for herself after she has paid her mum some to do her washing etc. and they have been out together. She is not saving a single penny. All of her money is spent on going halves for the shopping with Alex, her loans and other commitments and also going out places with Alex (although admittedly they have cut down on going out now). This is threatening to split them up as Alex is accusing my aunt of using him and not contributing. My aunt has said that she barely uses anything at Alex’s as she gets washed etc, at her Mum’s house before going to Alex’s.So, who’s in the right then folks? Should my aunt be paying Alex any money?
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (6 April 2012):
 Technically your Aunt resides at her mother's, correct? At least that's where her personal belongings are. That's who she should be paying part of rent and utilities to.
She doesn't have all of her things at Alex's and isn't residing there...as in sleep, eat, and shower at his place. Your Aunt eats there but helps with the grocery bill even though she doesn't have all of her meals there. Actually I wouldn't even pay for half of the grocery bill, maybe a quarter of it.
Your Aunt doesn't have to give him half for rent, utilities since she doesn't live there at all.
BOTTOM LINE:
Your Aunt doesn't need to be moving in with Alex since she can't afford it. Plus, with him kicking up a stink about splitting half when she doesn't even live there, it doesn't need to be anytime soon. She also needs to cut out the expensive meals, lavish trips so she can save some money and eventually gain her independence back.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2012): Sorry my aunt asked me to post it on here to get opinions
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (6 April 2012):
 Your aunt and Alex are both able to take advice from family and friends but when it comes to tin tacks they are the only ones who can decide what works for them. If Alex is accusing your aunt of not contributing they need to sit down and discuss finances between them, as for who is in the right and if your aunt should be paying money, that's not for us to decide.
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