A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My alcoholic boyfriend is making me feel left out and lonely.He can be very lovey dovey and attentive when he's not drinking and sticking to his job. There are then times he goes on these binges for days or weeks, and he ignoring me and making me feel lonely. I haven't a clue where he is or what he is up to, I don't think he goes after women it's more having a good time drinking and letting off steam. I feel at wits end I do love him and I don't want to leave him but I feel like he's driving me to it and it's not working out because he is causing problems. He says he wants no one else and always comes back to me.He is 27. He won't answer me and he also does this on his friends. I think he wants to have me in his life but also do his own thing. Which I don't have a problem with if he was treating me right and spending some quality time with him. Any advice.
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female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (18 July 2016):
 If you want to stay in this relationship then the first thing you need to accept is that he is an alcoholic, he is addicted to alcohol, he will pick it before you every time. It is his number one priority. If you are okay being second best to this then carry on, but do you really see your future being with someone who disappears every now and then and doesn't tell you where he is going, having to worry that he is lying in a ditch somewhere, his alcoholism could get worse, he is still young but it could develop to daily. Is this the future you want? If you want marriage and children then surely it can't be with someone who chooses alcohol first? My advice is tell him he either gets help and chooses you or you are over.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 July 2016):
 My advice is to get yourself to some Al-anon meetings.
http://www.al-anon-ireland.org/
You are with an alcoholic. His first love is alcohol. YOU will always come second until he's in recovery. Al-Anon will teach you how to take care of yourself if you choose to stay with him.
Personally for me I would not stay with my husband who was a long term alcoholic who did not even admit he had a problem.
He was arrested and I told him that i would not take him back if he didn't go to rehab and get sober. He did. Because he knew if he didn't I'd leave. He loved me more than alcohol but I was willing to risk that he didn't and leave him.
DO NOT tell your BF that you will leave if he does not get sober unless you really mean it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2016): Why are you clinging to a no count drunken loser? Giving some lame excuse he can be lovey dovey when he feels like it. That is only to butter you up; so he can continue doing what he wants to do.
Your misery is self-inflicted. Holding tight to nothing, because you don't want to face being a little lonely without someone to cling to. I remember a very strong and powerful woman, one of my colleagues, saying "a bad man is better than having no man at all!" I was so glad she didn't broadcast that stupid comment for other people to hear it. She was in a moment of weakness. I give you the good news she also kicked that drunk out of her life. She has overcome that which held her back. You now have to do the same.
If you're not strong enough to do it on your own. Seek counseling to help you come to terms with the fact that you are a slave of another person's weakness to addiction and substance abuse. You are not tethered to this man's life of alcoholism and unemployment. You are codependent to having a man for strength. You don't know how to tap into your own power and strength. You've declared yourself weak by needing a man to give you validation. You've sought refuge in a relationship to avoid loneliness. Being single is not a form of punishment or banishment from society. It is a time for enlightenment, recreating yourself, tweaking your weaknesses, and growth. For some reason people see it as a period of isolation. Why???
Well, misery remains until you do something about it. It starts with freeing yourself from the things holding you down. A bad man.
You can do bad all by yourself. Minus all the drama. If he leaves you alone, you may as well be alone without dealing with all the drunken bullsh*t.
I have to give it to you straight. You've got to let go of the dead-weight. He's not making your life better. That's what someone you love should be doing. You're screaming down an empty well, and wondering why you hear your echo?
He's not making you feel left out and lonely. You are!
Dump him, and get on with your life.
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