A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm concerned about my 19-year-old daughter who has learning difficulties as well as autism. She's in college studying hairdressing. She's got a new boyfriend, who's 25, and I've only recently found out he's been married for 2 weeks - and the man also has a young baby too. This has shocked and upset me. Apparently the man had a big wedding locally which was in the paper - it was a fairly lavish do that gained some local press! My daughter has had some problems through her school years - bullying etc. but also many good times as well.My wife is upset too, she has tried everything to make her see sense, but nothing's worked.I know my daughter won't ever lead a full independent life only a semi-independent one, that's a sad fact of life, and try not to be overprotective, but not disinterested.She's in college and this man's working in a local Subway branch as a manager - from what my friend [a trusted family friend whos retired with grown-up kids] told me, he'd seen them kissing when the man was on his fag break at the back of a local Subway branch in a car park.From what I've heard, my daughter was the one who initiated it, not him, instead of the usual scenario of married-man-seduces-woman.She did all the running not him [so I've been told].I can't really describe the man as a pervert since both individuals are at the legal age of consent, but it's worrying me a lot, and i've taken to overeating to cope. I don't know why she's doing it, but she has few girlfriends, let alone friends, so that could be why but Im not sure.This is a tough problem for me. I want to ensure my daughter lives a full and happy life and is an adult, but also avoid her getting into serious trouble - something she's avoided most of her life.I love my daughter and want her to be happy, but this situation is stressing me out a fair bit.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2012): hi, are there any professionals (like a learning assitant at college, or a community learning disability nurse) involved with your daughter? if so, tell them your concerns. if not, ask your GP for a referral to the local learning disability service-they could then assess your daughter's understanding of relationships (including her vulnerability to being sexually exploited) and provide support with this. lastly, might be worth thinking about contraception??
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (3 November 2012):
 Does your daughter have a documented medical history of learning disabilities and autism? Is she currently under professional care for these conditions? Do you have an arrangement with any governmental assistance related to her care?? Is she still considered your dependent at age 19?
If the answer to any of those questions is "yes", then you have a legitimate claim to inform him of her situation and tell him to back off or face prosecution for taking advantage of a vulnerable individual.
I'm also with Aunty BimBim on threatening him with telling his wife. But be prepared to follow through if he doesn't listen to you.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (3 November 2012):
 Also, approach this organisation for help and support, they may be able to get somebody to talk to her on your behalf.
http://www.autism.org.uk/
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (3 November 2012):
while your autistic daughter may have initiated the kissing etc, he is a married man with a child and did not have to accept her overtures.
I'm going to assume you have tried to tell your daughter he is married, and so off limits. Get a copy of the newspaper article and pictures and show her.
Regardless of her legally being an adult I would approach him, tell him you know he is married and you expect him to do the honourable thing, ie rebuff your daughter, and if he doesn't threaten to tell the wife. (threaten only)
Apart from that there is not much you can do except wait around to pick up the pieces.
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