A
female
age
36-40,
*weetspicy
writes:Dear cupid,I have been soul searching for Mr. Right but where is he? I know what I want in a man and its not that my standard are to high because I found all the qualities that I'm looking for yet when I try and date these men that I think are Mr. Right it turns out that they are Mr. Wrong. I have dated plenty of guys in my life time and all in wich had great qualities about them but their bad qualities were over powerin. Let me explain in better detail.Guy A: Is everything I could have ever hoped for, Great smile, very attractive, knows how to please me, has a car, works 2 jobs we date for 3 months then I find out about his babies mother and son wich he goes home to every night.Guy B: Is adventurous never a dull moment, very mystyerous, tall dark haired, the bad boy, dies of an over doseGuy C: The guy my girlfriend sets me up with on a blind date. He was 24 and I was 22. It works out for a month untill I see his anckle braclet because he's on house arrest, from having sex w/ a girl that was only 14. OMG! PEDOFILE AHHGuy D: He is in a band, loves animals, has a great body and is very easy to talk to. But what he forgets to menchion is his crazy ex girlfriend that he's obsessed w/ and has her face tattooed to his body, and then he starts to get my name mixed up with hers.Guy E: I meet at a party, He is intelligent, funny, and shares alot of the same intrests, we date for about a year until things turn sour and his dangerous temper is revealed, he put his fist though a window causing him to almost bleed to death, and then some how it became my fault so he wants to hurt me. ect. this list goes on and on over the past years of my life.what am I doing wrong? It's not that I dont find myself atractive or that I cant get a conversation going because I am very outgoing. But damn it, maybe I am looking in the wrong places. I see my friends and family happy in their relationships, if they can do it so can I. But where can I find Mr. right?
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female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (10 April 2010):
 If I knew where to find Mr. Right I would be with him and not on here answering questions, let me tell you.
Everyone dates their share of losers; it makes you appreciate the one you have when you finally find him. That's my take.
Try dating outside your zone for a while. You might meet a great guy, you might meet a not so great one. Worth a shot in any case.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2010): You seem to like the bad boys, guys that excite you I mean you say they all have these 'great' qualities "Great smile, very attractive, knows how to please me, has a car, works 2 jobs,adventurous never a dull moment, very mystyerous, tall dark haired, the bad boy" etc. I mean your friend even set you up with a statutory rapist and that friend probably knows what kind of guy you like.
Your friends and family are in stable relationships because they can see the value and excitment in stable guys. you seem to be naturally inclined to go for unstable guys.
I bet you have a list just as long of guys you thought were not interesting, unattractive, boring, 'jobless losers' or felt no chemistry with, chances are a lot of these guys were probably some of the good ones but didn't get a chance with you. You prefer the thrill of immediacy over the safety of long term stability.
Look at the list of things you deem to be great qualities in a guy and you'll see your standards are indeed high, it's very hard for any guy to live up to those standards and when you find a guy with these qualities it's a bit of a shock to you to find out they're flawed.
Probably time to stop looking for 'Mr. Right' we men don't come pre pakaged like that we become 'Mr. Right' through a lot of trial and error.
Your attraction to bad boys and simply luck are the reasons you keep meeting emotionally unstable guys.
Remember love, sexual attraction are not enough, they help, but the most important thing in any relationship is that it must be a partnership, someone that you can share the practicalities of your life with as equals.
I have a dating list similar to yours in many respects and I have to say when I stopped looking for a woman that fit into the box I had created for 'Mrs. Right' I realized she was there all along. I had never been overawed by the beauty of my current girlfriend when we were friends, I was attracted to her but I didn;t think she was my 'type'. When I stopped dating around and decided to give it a rest, I began to get to know her better and she became more beautiful to me the more I got to know her and I fell in love. My point is perhaps it's time to stop looking and just enjoy being single, don't discount any guy immediately because he doesn't have 'great qualities' good qualities can tunr great if you give them a chance to grow.
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A
female
reader, cnith +, writes (9 April 2010):
 lack of detective skills is my first impression. All these guys ended up having weird secrets. I hope you didnt' sleep with any of them!
I say find some common thread, because believe me, there IS one, between all these men and then you'll know why you keep being attracted to the "same" man. All these guys have something in common. Once you find out what that is, you can deviate and the next guy who falls under the same thread you know you need to walk away.
Now it's a numbers game, it really is. Many frogs to find your prince. However, you can save yourself some frogs if you know what you want better. Maybe take a hiatus to focus on what you really want.
You want mysterious and fun. OK but to what degree? So secretive you don't find out he's on house arrest for pedophilia? hmmm... not good... So fun he OD's ? Not good either.
You'll find him, don't worry. You just have to figure out what you're doing wrong, ie. why you are attracted to the wrong men.
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