A
female
age
30-35,
*humbelina42
writes:Okay, this kinda makes me feel silly but, I am 21 years old and I have never been in a serious relationship. I really just never put a lot of thought into it in high school; though I basically had majority male friends. Now that I have been in college for a couple of years I figured that now would be the best time to at least try for a relationship, but now every time I meet someone I get this sick-to-my-stomach feeling. Most of the guys who ask me out or flirt with me just make me feel ill. It's not like they are bad guys (most of them are great guys!), but I still feel sick; even when I get a txt from someone that I know likes me I feel ill. But when I am with a guy who doesn't saying anything about getting together I'm just fine. I don't know what's wrong with me. I want to be with someone (I don't have too, but it would still be nice), but I can't seem to make heads or tails of my own feelings(which has never happened to me before). Anyone have advise please? ?.?
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female
reader, Castiel +, writes (2 August 2014):
My dear this might seem like a completely foreign subject to you, about sexualities, some might say you're a late bloomer, some might say you're gay, but I have been in the same situation as you, but that was before I discovered I was Asexual. Any flirting, physical contact, things like that, would simply make me sick to my stomach. You aren't alone in that feeling. You may not know what an Asexual is. I have some links that will seriously help you understand. Im not saying you're definitely Asexual, but It is DEFINITELY a possibility and it wouldn't make you weird or create problems in life. I actually started off reading this post to help solve my problem, and then months later I dug deeper and then when someone was trying to be affectionate towards me, it just clicked and Im like "Yup Im Asexual." Because this guy was like throwing himself at me, and I still couldn't do it. That's not all that made it clear to me, but it's definitely a big part. Here are the links, and if you or someone else reading this has questions just email me. [email address removed per site guidelines]http://asexualawarenessweek.com/asexuality-101/http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/9651265/The-moment-I-realised-I-was-asexual.html
A
female
reader, thumbelina42 +, writes (14 January 2011):
thumbelina42 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for all the comments!
I know that I am heterosexual...so much so that I believe that there is a high possibility that I was a gay man in a past life. There has been a sexual trauma in my past; that was many years ago, but maybe I haven't gotten over it as well as I thought I did. Maybe I should go talk to someone.
I will take all of them into consideration. Thanks again!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): Are you attracted to men? Have you ever thought of exploring another side of your sexuality? Maybe you are just not into boys. Is that a possibility? Maybe you would feel more comfortable and/or have a subconscious desire to date women. And perhaps that is why you cringe at the thought of a man looking at you in a romantic way. Something to think about. If that is the case then it is definitely a side of you that you should explore.Other than that, if you are in fact heterosexual and are definitely attracted to men then I can think it either has to do with past trauma or simply you are too young and are just not ready. If there has been some trauma in your past that is holding you back from dating then that is something you should work out. You could talk to a therapist who would help you understand why you feel the way you do, guide you through the pain and show you how to get over these feelings. If it is not that you like women nor have you had any trauma, then perhaps you are just still young and don't quite yet have enough hormones to pursue a romantic relationship. When I was your age, I wasn't shy and I dated, however, I too was not too interested in relationships or sex. Alot of women aren't at that age. If this is the case, then as you get older you WILL produce more hormones and your sex drive will change drastically. As it does you will naturally want to date guys and feel less and less inhibited. It is just a matter of time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2011): You sound like you get anxious when you are confronted with people who want to be intimate with you; emotionally or sexually. If you are afraid of sex, were you abused or have negative experiences in the past?, Perhaps you are just very introverted and are so used to being by yourself that anyone taking particular interest in you (sexual or emotional) seems invasive and makes you feel claustrophobic.I think you I understand how you feel. I am pretty introverted and I am a late bloomer. I didn't really have any relationship experience before my 20s. I was anxious when people who took an interest in me. When I found myself attracted to other people, it was even worse. I once found myself opposite a man I was very attracted at the end of a party. In the past I had generally avoided him because I didn't like feeling so anxious around him. He insisted he give me a ride home from the party though I tried to decline several times and told him I would just walk back to my apartment. After he shut my door and got driver seat, he tried to start talking to me. I am not a big drinker, and I have never vomited from drinking, but when he started talking to me and smiling, I got incredibly claustrophobic. I opened the passenger door and booted all over the sidewalk. I got so anxious it made me physically ill. Just sayin, I know how you feel. (I think anyway.)Be proactive, make sure you push yourself out of your comfort zone. Challenge yourself to deal with people honestly and intimately. It's something you get over.
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