A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:There is a younger guy at our office who is really cute and one of the nicest people ever and very popular with us girls as far as gossip and talking about how boyish handsome he is and flirting with him. I admit I have flirted with him and asked how often he worked out. I know it was a dumb move and he just laughed it off. Now I know why he never responded to any of the flirting.Last week, we had a meeting without him and management they said Adam told them he is transitioning to female and starting next week he will be wearing female clothing and his preferred hairstyle and we should refer to him as Anna instead of Adam. We talked about using female pronouns. They told us Adam promised he would be patient with everyone as it is a big change and that he was very nervous about his first day. I have to be honest we were all shocked and you could hear a gasp and a little moan. It is like we were all sad to lose the Adam we know. I am going to miss him. But the people in my office are good people and we decided to rally around our friend.So on Anna's first day we meet her in the lobby and had some ballons and a cake. We have cake anytime we can. She accepted hugs from everyone. Technically violated the handbook on that one but no one cared. She cried happy tears and said she had been so afraid of this day. I do not think of myself as woke and all that but I was touched by the joy she had in our kindness and acceptance and her smile got bigger and bigger all day as people just treated her like normal. Everyone was so happy for her all week. She will make a cute girl. I have to say her hair (which was long and in a bun before) was down and styled beautifully. She wore a cute Talbots dress, stockings, and flats. She had some foundation but no other makeup. Her mannerisms were feminine and graceful and natural and I realized how he was suppressing that all that time. If you did not know I think she would casually pass for female. There were some clues. Her shoulders are obviously broad and her cleavage was still a guys square pecs obviously and she showed too much at first, but she got more modest with it as the week went on. She was very open that surgery could be a long time off and that she was going to start some hormone treatments soon. A few people have stumbled using Adam and he/him, but she has been super patient. At the risk of everyone hating me, here is my selfish question. She still has a male body. I cannot stop thinking about what is under her dress. If anything, I fantasize about Adam more and imagine being his last before his penis is gone. I know that is so dumb and selfish, but is it totally wrong to admit an honest attraction for the old Adam and wonder if Anna would be flattered to know that or even interested in hooking up? Hate me if you want, but I would love for Adam to come out and play one last time before it is too late. Is there even a way to say something to her about my feelings that would not be offensive and stupid?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 June 2022):
 You answered your own question in one sentence.
" I know that is so dumb and selfish"
If Adam/Anna had been the LEAST bit interested in you, He (at the time) would have made a move on you. He didn't even flirt back when you tried. He chose NOT to.
And Adam/Anna.... might prefer men. Have you thought of that?
Anna might not CHOOSE to have full "trans" surgery (such as having the penis removed). Many don't. But that is really none of your business. Anna is a coworker. A coworker who is dealing with some shit. To put it mildly.
I get that you feel an attraction to Adam, but that doesn't mean you have to tell Anna. Adam has CHOSEN to live as Anna now. Pretty sure that IF Adam suffers from dysphoria the LAST thing he/she needs is someone wanting him/her for HIS body. The body HE hates. You are not going to fix the dysphoria with one last hump with YOU.
If I were you I'd keep my mouth shut about the attraction. If you are looking for someone to hook up with look /OUTSIDE your workplace.
Be professional. Get over your crush on Adam, he is not there anymore. Anna is there.
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Lastly, I apologize if I did any wrong "pronoun thing" here, I tried to make it logical, not "politically correct".
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