A
female
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anonymous
writes:One of my best friends (I'll call him Ross) used to live in a place with a few other guys up until a couple of weeks ago, when he went away to university. One of them, I'll call him Mark, I've always had a bit of a crush on. Weird thing is, he's about 35. I'm 18. I thought I'd just ignore it because I thought this bloke wouldn't be interested in someone so much younger, and he was always quite shy around me. Then a little while ago Ross told me (because he thought it was funny) that Mark had said I was beautiful, and if he was my age... Of course Mark has no idea that I know he said this, but now I notice things like him staring at me, always laughing at my jokes (however crap they are), and always being really nice to me (mind you he's kind to everyone).Even when I was breaking up with my ex a while ago, I went to see Ross but he wasn't in so I ended up chatting to Mark, and he was really understanding and kind, but has never tried it on with me in any way even though he could have done. We remain very much 'friends'.I know there's a huge age gap but I get on so well with him, what should I do? How do I get out of the 'friend zone'? I hardly ever see him any more as Ross is away and I have no excuse to go round. Do you think he likes me? I'm not necessarily after a major relationship with him, I totally acknowledge that this is largely lust, but I'd like to take it past friendship. Any guys around 35, or anyone else, who could help me out on this one? Cheers
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2008): Make a reason for him to spend time with you. He is nice to you so If you need something he will do it for you. Then when you are alone together and have caught up and talking. Let me know....
His problem is that he is embarrased and feals you would never like an "old guy" like him. Let him know he is attractive to you and you feel you have alot in common and enjoy spending time with him. You need to be clear because he is shy and older and may think its just his own wishful thinking. I know... this has happend to me. I had this happen more than a few times. But even though I really felt attracted and they obviously felt the same way I was always too afraid to believe they would really be wanting to BE with me.
Hope it works out for you guys.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionEarlier he rang me saying that some of them are going down the pub tonight. I did ask him to tell me if there were any social getherings, and he and some of our other friends do go there quite a lot, but... how do I come on to him? He is shy. He'd probably be terrified if I wasn't subtle enough, and if I'm too subtle nothing'll ever happen.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): I'm a girl of 23. When I was about 20, close to your age, I met a man that I feel instantly in love with who was 39 at the time. He liked me, thought I was beautiful but didn't act on it because of the age difference. At first I didn't understand why it was such a problem. I thought love overcomes all, right? Everything and anything could be worked out if two people are willing.
Now after just 3 years, I understand a lot more than I did then. I respect him even more now because he didn't act on it like many sleazy guys would.
35 and 18 is a very significant age difference but if two people have common interests, values and desires then its not really a big deal. At 35 he is a man. He has had several relationships, finished his education and has had time to understand who he is and what he wants. At his age, you ask yourself "where is this relationship going" and "Does this have a future". This is not a matter of "should we have sex?" as the other poster implied.
You on the other hand are just coming into who you are and are not interested in anything serious as you have explained. Because of this fact, it would probably be a bad idea for both of you to get involved.
I do believe though you should satisfy your curiosity. Ask your friend Ross for his opinion and then decide from there.
best of luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2008): You are 18. You are lawfully now responsible for your own actions.
If you wish toi sleep with the guy, go right ahead. If he isn't married or involved with someone already then age now has become a number and nothing more.
But just be ready if his feelings go deeper than yours or vice versa, because if that happens... things could get ugly.
But I see no reason the both of you can't enjoy a nice little spot of fun.
Flynn 24
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