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Me loving her right now isn't important, saving the friendship is!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Crushes, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 December 2012) 4 Answers - (Newest, 20 December 2012)
A male United States age 30-35, *ark94 writes:

There is this girl who I have known for several months now and we instantly became best friends. I don't want to go into details on how we met but ever since she stepped into my life she made me a very happy person again after being treated badly by my ex-friends. But recently she ended our friendship because I've been nothing but a bad friend to her. I've made so many mistakes in our friendship she decide to call it off. I want to be friends with her again, I promised her I will be a changed person and also I wouldn't do the stuff that made her end our friendship but she still says no over and over. I taken some friend's advice, which is not talking to her for a while, which I'm doing, but the thing is I can't stop thinking about her. I'm in love with her and she has a special place in my heart and I can't just let her go, but me loving her isn't important right now, I just want to save our friendship. What should I do?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2012):

I'm actually this is quite scary going througgh the exact same thing right now I called it off on my best friend because he was ttreating me badly like late replying or felt like he didn't value our friendship couple weeks gone now I regret what I said in anger despite him treating me badly and I miss him a lot I felt childish but I had my reasons. Its cause I'm in love with him whether he didn't show he felt same he probably does I'll never know. But my advice to you is please tell her how you feellove starts from friendship the fact you posted on here says aalot she means a lot and you both need to patch things I agree with the first comment FIGHT for her make her fe she's worth it the friendship is worth saving that's all I wanted from my best friend. I just pretended I given up an didn't care deep down I want him to say all those things I'm dying to hear! Goodluck.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (19 December 2012):

Honeypie agony auntI agree with SVC - you can't MAKE her want to be your friend again.

LEARN from this and adjust your behavior accordingly in the future when you make friends.

Let her be. If she at some future point in time thinks she wants to be around you again, I'm sure she will get in touch - but really she told you to back off. Respect her wish.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (19 December 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntyou can't be friends with her. You love her and want more. She does not. trying to be friends with her will only cause you more pain.

IF you truly love her you want what makes her happy no matter what. What will make her happy is if you leave her alone.

You need to leave her alone and let her be.

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A female reader, Ohlalaluna United States +, writes (19 December 2012):

Ohlalaluna agony auntHey Mark94,

Okay, so I was in this exact situation, me being the girl. My best friend (now Fiance) broke my heart of how much bad he was bringing into my life. I called it off and avoided him at all cost for MONTHS! It was kinda hard not to see him since we did attend the same church, but I never spoke to him, never even acknowledged him. Every time he came up to me and tried to talk I would just cut him short and told him to go screw himself and that I wanted NOTHING with him. Deep down inside, for a girl, that is very hard. It was the most painful thing I have ever done. Saying no to the one person who I trusted completely but I came to the conclusion that I loved myself more than what I loved our friendship. What brought me around was how much effort he put into trying to get me to come back to him. Every day I would get texts, he would call so many times, leaving me letter all over the place, and even would come to my work bringing me coffee and food which of course out of spite, I would make him take with him since I wouldn't receive it. But after many months of him doing all these little things, he came over to my house, and grabbed me by the shoulders and just plainly said "I made you a promise that I would always be your friend, that I would always be here for you, and I am not going anywhere. You may not want me here, but I am not going ANYWHERE. Do you hear me? I am not, nor will I ever give up on us." I will never forget those words. Now, of course I didn't give in even then... I was really hurt. but he kept going, and kept fighting. See, us chicks love it when a man fights for us, it truly proves that we really mean something for them and we're not just something they want to keep them busy but something they need because they truly love us and can't live without. I find your story to be almost a replica of mine. On the first day we met we became the best of friends, I don't know why, I don't know how, but that just proved how much it was meant to be. And now, almost two years later, we are getting married in less that 20 days. Now I can understand that quote "We don't fall in love, we grow in love, and love grows inside of us." Keep fighting, keep fighting!! No matter how corny it sounds but true love will prevail. -Sara

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