A
female
 ,
mcbirdie
writes:There is a list out there in journal-world that I read on a young woman's journal that she had apparently gotten from somewhere else; I don't know where, she doesn't indicate that. But, really as I have no intention of linking the whole journal here or giving her name, it doesn't really matter. We'll just refer to her as NewAgeGirl (NAG).I've seen this sort of post before; a long, detailed list of all the things the NAG brings to a relationship; why men should desire the NAG, what the NAG requires from a man. I'm sure everyone has seen the various "I want a man who will let me rest my head on his shoulder and wipe away my tears of love" sort of thing. Well, this list is more unsettling to me. The "I want a man who holds my hand" kind of list is a little ooky, but sweet. You figure a girl would write that when she hasn't experienced too much of a real life relationship, but thinks that snuggling sounds grand. But the NAG list reads more like a woman who has grown up reading Maxim magazine and now thinks she has a handle on what she has to be to be attractive to men. And that is some weird hybrid of a cutesy girly girl who will also belch and be one of the guys.For example:1. I don't like to snuggle everytime we bang.Seriously. Not only did this girl say "bang" of her own volition, but she starts the ball rolling by reassuring the men that she will not require any of that cuddling she hears that the guys don?t like so much. Or how about:6. Can be one of the boys7. I don't wear grannie panties!15. Like you, I am scared of commitment17. I wont order a salad25. I will sneak out of the bed and brush my teeth before you get up so we can have hygenic morning sex. (I might drop a mint into yours. don't choke)27. I won't nag you when you watch sports. (I'll watch if baseball is on!)31. I will let you be the man in the relationship.32. I get my toes done.37. I watch Family Guy, Simpsons, American Dad.38. I know something about cars.39. I can't drive stick42. I will love your penis54. I give supreme oral.56. It turns me on when you work on your car.57. I'm not opposed to having a hump-session anytime anywhere.58. I don't want you to spoon me everynight60. I will rate your burps. (1-10)61. You can pee while I'm brushing my teeth.64. I don't mind taking out the garbage.65. I let you open jars that "I can't open"70. I would sneak into your office and give you desk head.87. I only need to see you 2-3 times a week.93. I won't put girlie things into your bathroom/shower/room95. I keep myself well dressed and groomed (for the most part)96. I won't burden you with my PMS problems.122. I have a rack that I will shamelessly display for you.And my all time favourite:73. I can cook, clean, bake and I'll drink a beer while doing it.See, she's a girl, but she'll also drink ia beer. That's hawt, y'all.In all, this NAG goes on for 143 (143!) items which make her the perfect beer swilling, pink wearing, arachnophobic, oil-changing super woman. At the bottom, she says what she needs in a man. It pretty much comes to: Overall, be nice, look like something more attractive than an ogre and try to not such a sleazy horndog! Thanx!This list says to me..."No worries, gentlemen. I will not put any pressure on you to do anything. I will make sure my pubic hair is always waxed into the least possible offending little landing strip, I will not tell you about my PMS or other "girly" problems. I will provide you with blow jobs anytime and anywhere you like, I will showcase my body for your friends' envy, I will happily pretend to like all the things you like, and I will do all this for nothing more than...iyour presence."I think that this is crap. It's also dishonest, because no one can hold this up for long. I mean, really, at some point this girl is going to snap and admit that she hates baseball, beer, and for fuck's sake, can-you-take-out-the-fucking-garbage-your-damn-self? I believe in honesty up front, rather than shocking you at the four month anniversary. To that end, here is my list:I am fickle. Fickle as all hell. You can please me one day with poetry and another day it will drive me up a wall. You will need to constantly adapt if you don't want me to get bored.I will make no apologies for my sex drive. I will not laugh at you if you are worn out, but by the same token, I will not pretend that I am not going to masturbate. If that is a blow to your ego, I will struggle to understand why.I don't like sports. I don't mind them, but they don't make my list of things to do on a sunny afternoon. I don't care if you watch them. Go for it. But if you think that you are going to have two weeks every season where you forget I exist, expect me to forget you exist right now.I have a lot of toiletries. I keep them at my place. If you want me to spend many nights at your place, expect that there will be girly toiletries at your place. I am not going to carry around a suitcase just so you can pretend that you're still single.I will not invite a friend of mine to have a threesome with us, unless I figure you are not a long term prospect. If you want to have a threesome, let me know early on so I can decide on that based on the information that I will not be dating you long. If you spring it on me after I think you're long term, not only will you not get the threesome, but you will not get the long term.I can cook, clean, and bake. But I will drink whatever the sweet fuck I feel like drinking when I do it.If half the trash is yours, I expect you to take the trash out half the time. I will not nag you to do this. I will also not spend much time with a fourteen year old boy who cannot understand that filth gets removed from the house.I don't like spiders or bugs. Few people do. If you're around, I will expect you to deal with it. If you're not, it's not as though I'm going to move house to avoid the damn thing. So let us not pretend that I am helpless--I just like someone else to do it if that is an option.The enjoyment of giving a blow job goes up exponentially to the rate at which they are enjoyed by my partner and are inversely proportional to the rate at which they are demanded. Sex is to be enjoyed. If I don't enjoy it, I won't do it. Know this.I will not pretend that my vagina is anything other than what it is. Do not expect me to remove every hair, nor to perfume it until it smells of a flower. It is not a damned flower. If you have a problem with the way a woman looks and smells, give me a heads up before we get naked, because I have no desire to get naked with you.People belch and fart. They do. I know this. If we spend time together, expect that we will both be doing so in front of each other on occasion. However, it is not a happy laugh that comes from your ass. It is gas. Just because I understand it, does not mean I find it sexy. I will not high-five you for a particularly "good one".I think flirting is good for a relationship. It reminds us that we are attractive and that our partners are attractive. However, I will flirt a lot more than I will accept from you. Yeah, I know that that is unfair. It is how I am wired, though. I am more willing to downgrade my flirting to make you feel better, than tolerate more from you. That is the only concession I offer.I'm smart. I know that you are too, or I wouldn't be dating you. I will not ever pretend to not be as smart as I am, nor will I put up with you talking down to me. The flipside of that, though, is that I won't compete with you. I imagine that we will find that we are intelligent in different areas. I will be amazed at your brains, if you are amazed at mine.There are probably benefits to being with me that make up for all the crap you will have to put up with. But I am not the sort of woman who will list them. Find them out for yourself, or don't. I'm cool with either.
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