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female
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anonymous
writes: Looking mostly for guys opinion. Thank you...I have a problem. I caught my man watching porn and I am very upset. Let me start from beging. 5 years ago, when I started to go with him, our sex life was good. We would watch porn together and to be honest I used to enjoy it. Then the bad times came, I found out he lied to me a lot, cheated on me. I dont even know why, but I have decided to stay with him, work it out. Our relationship has not been the same since all the lies. I became insecure. I dont feel that attractive - though guys are looking at me where ever I go. I know its my stupid issue. BUt all these things left marks on me. Dont believe my bf anymore. I am thinking about leaving him. About sex, we dont have it often and I find it boring. I am being honest, even talked to him about it, tried to find ideas how to improve it. Lets face it, 5 years is 5 years...Cant find that sparkle anymore so much..Anyway I tried to ask him about his ideas and dreams, and he wasnt able to say anything what really did upset me. He is fine with his 10 minutes, then he turns and sleeps. BUt its not enough for me..And now I found hes watching porn again. It really hurts me, because normally he is still tired after work, but the moment I move out of his sight he is upto something... I found all his dvds...THinking what to do with them...ANd another thing what makes me wonder. I am white. He s black. He tells me he prefers white girls. BUt all the porn was black. IT just does my head in.Any males want to give their opinion???
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cheated on me, insecure, porn, sex life, spark Reply to this Question
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female
reader, g1rl88  +, writes (15 February 2008):
i wouldnt consider porn cheating if it wasnt interfering with you sex life, but it does with mine. My boyfriend of 2 years feels the need to beat off every time im gone which frustrates me because everytime im there, he doesn't want to. And no im not sexually satisfied, i think i get it maybe 2 times a week which is pathetic for a man who is 22 years old with a 19 year old girlfriend who is willing to help out EVERYTIME. I have talked to him about it and he just keeps saying i dont understand the big deal. Im not comfortable with him staring at other women and getting off to it, it actually disgusts me because I feel he would rather do that then sexually satisf me. Now explain the reasoning for that!!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2006): To the female reader that seems a bit biased about the differences of male and female porn.
emOkay male below, How on earth does Oprah or desperate housewifes disrespect men and encourage women to see them as body parts only valuable until 25 and if they weigh a certain amount???/em
Most of the daytime television shows; like Oprah and Dr. Phil, from the male perspective, seem to prey on males and their lack of sensitivity and inhumanity. And there are some of my male bretheren out there that seriously need to be flogged. However, I've watched both of those shows on numerous occasions and have witness male "bashing" with cheering from audience.
Isn't the point behind these shows to help bring people, male and females, closer together; instead of causing an even greater rift between the sexes as we create 'right-fighters'?
Desperate housewives and other night-time dramas that are watched more by women than men; when these shows come on, my girlfiend sits downstairs watching these shows with bated breath and while it may seem harmless enough it's showing her that it's ok to sleep around, cheat, lie and steal to get ahead in this fast-paced world. Simply because they get away with it on these shows. These shows may not be contributing to rape; but, they're certainly contributing to hatred of men, sexual harassment and the degradation of marriages.
And just to clear some things up about the very common myth that 'most' women in porn have been abused early in their life, it doesn't wash and is only used as a weak attempt to strengthen your position on porn. If you say 'most', what then do you say about the some women who are doing it because they want to? I would also like to mention that not every woman who was 'abused' seek a career in porn, keep in mind, it's still a decision that they make. Not something they are forced to do.
While it does appear, in a good deal of the pornography floating around the internet, that the women are mistreated and commonly considered objects, it is the reason why there is a porn industry. As much as we don't want or even like to believe, these are people who are actors and actresses putting on a show for a non-descript demographic. And while there are major motion films that come to the silver screen weekly that show people getting mowed down by police officers and kids, we kindly turn a blind eye and call it entertainment.
Please stop kidding yourselves; this is a culture that has been forced upon us by our government and major religious political figures in the attempt to jade our view about health sexual behavior. It's all a fantasy.
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A
male
reader, realguy +, writes (8 October 2006):
This is such a common problem these days. Obviosly from the information you gave, the problem is not the porn but your relationship. It's kind of like putting the cart before the horse. The porn is just a syptom of the greater relationship issues as is your putting up with his 10 minute quickie without talking. Without knowing all the dynamics of your relationship, I think you are both addicted to keeping it going at whatever cost and it seems like, especially for you the costs are getting too high. If your relationship was bliss and you were getting the best sex of your life and felt like his main focus, I don't think you would care at all if he watched porn or Leave it to Beaver all day. I think you need to give him an ultimatum and it is not giving up all his porn but that he start paying attention to you and find a way to make you his personal/exclusive porn star in his head or he hits the road.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2006): Okay male below, How on earth does Oprah or desperate housewifes disrespect men and encourage women to see them as body parts only valuable until 25 and if they weigh a certain amount???
How does it contribute to rape, hatred of women, sexual harassment and marriage breakdown..
Dont even consider that is female porn....MOST women simplty never stoop so low as to porn out of simple respect for women in general...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2006):
Men need to have a visual fantasy life. Are you ready to give up soaps, and Ophra, and Desperate Housewives and all other female porn?
That issue aside, how can you be angry about something you approved in the past? He isnt going to take that seriously.
He is supposed to be all hot for sex with you when "I find it boring"??
Look maybe you guys can fix it; maybe you guys are over... but dont play the porn victim. You had issues long before you "caught" him.
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A
male
reader, dreamertuck +, writes (6 October 2006):
well it seems to me, he is simply addicted to porn. While it may be hard to hear, he probably wants SOMETHING, (God knows what) from porn that he isn't getting from you... WHo knows, try talking to him again and ask if there is anything you can do differently or do better. He may tell you that you aren't doing something to his likings. Good luck
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A
male
reader, Mr.CantLetgo +, writes (5 October 2006):
If he lied to you and cheated on you before and your still with him, most people in your situation would feel insecure and the trust between you guys won't be the same. You have given him a chance already by staying with him, even though you knew he cheated on you and lied to you.
If your bf is not committed to you, then you should ask yourself "why am i still with him?" i know 5 years is alot and that you guys share alot of good memories together, but after a while those memories die down.
About the porn issue, being a guy myself, because most guys look at porn for most of their teenage lives and even till their older it's kind of like a need, a routine that we once so often do... There is nothing wrong with porn, just think of it this way. Sometimes a guy have needs and wants, and although you guys have sex together and stuff, sometimes some guys dream or have fantasies about other girls and so they look at porn to relieve themselves instead of going out and finding another girl and cheat on you.
However, because this guy lies and cheated on you before, and now that your relationship is falling apart i really think you beak up with him if you guys keep going like this in the end you will only be more hurt...
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