A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have been in a relationship for two years with my boyfriend. He wants to move in together, and get married. I'm not sure if I want the same. He's very expressive, affectionate, but also, demanding, jealous. He always texts me and asks "where are you", what are you doing"? If I don't reply right away he calls, and gets mad at me. He calls me sneaky,or says I'm being dishonest when I'm not. I've expressed I dislike his comments, and how untrusting he is. I've asked if there was something he's being hiding that he feels I'm doing the same. He claims nothing at all. I've experienced a lot of turbulence with his deceit prior, and forgave him. He had a major gambling problem that he hid from me. Spending excessive amounts of money. We've worked through those issues, and he swears he hasn't been gambling. Although my instincts tell me he is just not to that extent anymore. He will text act guilty and accuse me of being out with men etc, and I will tell him to quit behaving that way to me. The weird thing is when I call him he will press ignore on his cell and text he's about to go to bed etc. I've asked if he is being unfaithful, or gambling again. He becomes defensive and says how dare you question me. I'm honest, and loyal. My question is could he still be up to his old ways?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): Get out and stay out of this relationship now, this man has real issues. He already shows controlling behavioural problems and then when you stand up to him he turns the table around on you by calling you sneaky. Don.'t even give long explanations when dumping him, just say its over and go. Never respond or even bother to read his text should he send any.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 May 2010):
 Im not sure if there is grounds to believe he is cheating, or gambling for that matter. He might be, he also might not be. One thing is for sure: if he is you wont hear it from him! So asking him will take you no where.
How is it that you can stand this behaviour from him for two whole years? It sounds quite annoying and stressful to get asked where you are at all times and what you are doing, having to answer right away or else get an angry inquisition on your neck. How do you cope with that? Surely, arguing over it every time hasn't made any improovements.
I have a father who does the same, he will call me and then ask questions abot where I am, and more and more and more questions. It goes like this: him- "where are you", me-"downtown", him-"doing what", me-"shopping", him-"for what", me-"clothes", him-"who are you with". HE thinks all these questions are a normal way of communication. I think it's bothersome and rude. Many times I don't want him to know where I am because Im for example shopping for condoms, or lingerie! But he's my father and I can't escape. He's been this way all his life. My mom left him because he didn't even trust her to hang out with her friends.
Im not saying your boyfriend is/will turn out like my father. But, surely you have the right to demand more respect, as your boyfriend is supposed to be your equal. You are not his daughter. I got trained growing up on how to deal with my dad, how well can you cope with this controlling behaviour? Will there be a time when enough is simply enough?
I think love always deserves a chance, a shot in the blind, and that we all hope for the best outcome. But this isn't a shot in the blind exactly, you've been with him for two years and you know he wont change his ways. The ball is in your field: do you accept this behavior and deal with it and all the fights, or do you move on?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2010): Hello,
Well he's certainly given you reason to not trust him. I'd probably be leery as well if he was being deceitful about his gambling problem. Unless he's seeked help if it was a big problem and spending large amounts he could very well not have completely given it up.
Its not always easy to regain trust in someone we believed in. However, if you want to make it work you have to believe in eachother and trust eachother otherwise your relationship won't work.
Good luck
;D
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A
female
reader, Lakisha  +, writes (22 May 2010):
 If u all can't trust each other u don't need to be together.
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