A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I would like people's opinions on whether i am doing right by lying to a friend to ensure she doesn't get hurt. My friend and i were very close at one point but we don't really speak as much anymore, not as much as we used to anyway. Anyway, she started going out with my best (boy) friend and became very jealous about how close him and me were. More or less each week, or every other week we would get accused of doing something but we both kept trying to explain that we'd been best friends a lot longer than before he and she got together. One weekend i went to the local pub and he was there, as usual, we were both very drunk and ended up having sexual intercourse, and i must admit- it felt SO right. I always wondered whether i had feelings for him but i was in denial, i kind of knew he had something for me but i never really thought about it. The next day i was full of regret and felt so sorry for my friend. I spoke to her boyfriend, my best friend, and he suggested we tell her before she finds out of someone else. But both of us have only told one person so i dont see how it could ever get back to her, i believe we should just forget about it although i must admit i'm so jealous of her being his girlfriend. life just seems so complicated now. i need advice on whether to tell her or not. if i do tell her my social life will be over as i know all our friends will fall out with me for what i've done. but i also know that this is my own fault for doing such a wrong thing. please help me out!!!
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best friend, drunk, jealous Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust thought i'd update people on the situation (:
Everythings fine now, they're together and happy.
Me and her are back on track- and although it sound shallow me being friends with her, we seem more closer than ever. i've realised he wasn't worth any of it, and he isn't worth any of the pain that could be caused. i've happily moved on and i believe i've found someone perfect for me- this time he doesn't have a girlfriend lol. so yeah' thanks for all your advice though it did help but i made my decision anyway
xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009): babes, what's this -tit for tat.
stick it to her before she sticks it to me?
and you say that you are friends?
what would you do an enemy?
my child, you have so much to learn about life.....if you do not be careful you will be destroying other lives with your attitude OR you will be destroying your own life with your attitude.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionanother thing is;
i know for a pure FACT that she would have done it to me if i were the one going out with him. i know this sounds so childish but anyway thanks for the advice
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know i've done wrong. honest i do. yeah i have a lot of best friends, he was just the only best mate i had in a lad. and to the person who said that she was right all along. actually she wasn't, because we have been best friends over 5years and nothing ever happened like this until they got together (which makes me sound even worse i know). i know i've made a mistake but i just want to forget about it. since that happened she seems happy in the realtionship, i think he feels really guilty, and they seem to be getting along really well. even though this hurts me i know i have to face up to the fact that he's with her not me. and i'm not saving myself from being hurt at all, i dont want to hurt her. i really don't. thanks for your advice. i know i probably sound like a cheap slut, but honest i NEVER do things like that. i was shocked at myself to be honest.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): Lies breaths more lies. if you start lying now wht will happen in the future. A lot of times people say that it (sex) just happenes but it doesn't. For even a few seconds the person knows what they are doing is wrong but go ahead when caught up in the moment. Secrets have a way of being discovered. What would you rather have, you telling her or someone else. She may have accused you previously but now she has proof.
You do not regret having sex with this boy, you are jealous that he is not with you currently. I am sure you want him to be with you. But for now he is with his gf. When she finds out they will break up then maybe you will have a chance with him.
You are definately not doing the right thing by lying. You are only lying, not to protect her, but to protect yourself so that you are not found out. Sad thing was that she was right all along.
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A
female
reader, Fee-Fee +, writes (16 March 2009):
 I hardly think how she got into a pub is crucial to the question ...
To answer a little more constructively:
How long do you think you could keep the secret from her? It's already tearing you up inside, that much is obvious.
You say you both only told one person, you probably know all too well how gossip spreads, especially between young people ...
Sadly, the only way to get it off your conscience is to face up to what you both did and tell the truth.
Put yourself in her shoes - how would you feel if you found out via chinese whispers? You've got to admit, that would suck more than being told to your face and asked for forgiveness.
I wish there was an easier way, I really do, but for your own sanity as much as anything else, you really need to tell her.
Good luck hon
Fee
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20  +, writes (16 March 2009):
 This is a tough one. I hope your friends aren't self-righteous people who feel like they've never anything wrong or something.
This is why you need a best friend. Someone who will be there for you no matter what. Problem is, your best friend is the one that you slept with and I'm sure that if you tell his girlfriend that she won't want you hanging out with him anymore.
Do you have any other best friends? Or was he your only one?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2009): you did the crime now suck it up and be a woman for goodness sake you made a massive friendship dodo . you really expect her to not find out?
secrets like that never stay secret for long she will hate you more if she finds out from someone else.
you and your 'bestfriend' have made the ultimate betrayal, if your friends don't speak to you well my dear thats a learning curve for you isn't it.
you have behaved very immaturely and selfishlly not once considering your friends feelings until after you did the deed.
At your age your peers will spread secrets and rumors like chinese whispers. Sort yourself out and for goodness sake grow up.
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A
female
reader, Ne'cee +, writes (16 March 2009):
 Put yourself in her shoes. What would you want her to do if she did it. Would you want her to tell you? Everything done in the dark comes to light no matter how good you are at hiding it. Let the truth set you free of your social life with be ruined because of guilt. Tell one lie, have to tell two to cover it up. Good luck
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