A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How long does love-bombing by a narcissist last for? My dad is a narcissist (I believe) and he cheated and left my mother for a younger woman. I've heard that there are three stages of a relationship with a narcissist -1. 'love-bombing', 2. 'devaluing' 3. 'discarding'.I believe that my mother, myself and my brother have been through the devalue and discard stages. My mum and dad where married for over 27 years. Will he treat this younger woman just as vile, as he did me, my mum and brother eventually? Will he devalue and discard her? He says the reason he left was because he was bored and 'she' gave him some affection and attention.My question is how long does love bombing last? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@WiseOwlE -
He has all the symptoms to a tee.
· Enjoys other people's misery
· Cannot take a joke at his own expense
· Always has to be the center of attention and gets moody when he isn't
· Always has to do things that he wants to do, and hates what anyone else wants to do
· Always concerned about what other people think about him
· Never does anything he doesn't want to do.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2016): Your mother was married to this man for 27 years. He decided to leave your mother. If he is a narcissist, that was really a blessing.
He doesn't have to be a narcissist to leave your mother for another woman, or to discard his family. Just a jerk.
I don't think you need to concern yourself with the other woman. She should be able to handle her own personal-life.
Your father is an adult, and he is now divorced. He can be with whomever he pleases, and you have the liberty to go about your life without any interference from him.
I can understand you would want to rationalize and tag your father with some sort of psychosis; but what you've explained doesn't necessarily offer enough evidence to conclude he is a full-fledged narcissist. Just a certified prick.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (10 December 2016):
 Leopards don't change their spots. You might want to just stay out of this though lest you get hurt.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 December 2016):
 I dont know how long it lasts, but I do know that he will put this poor woman through the exact same as he put your and your mother through. She doesn't know this, otherwise she'd never get involved with him.
Same as your mother, probably, she wasn't aware of his mental illness before she entered a marriage with him. It's not always so easy to catch on to, and narcissists very rarely get diagnosed, because they themselves don't see that they are ill. They would rather blame everyone else than accept that they have a problem.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (10 December 2016):
Hate to say it...But yes, he will do it to the new woman as well....why???
One...He blamed your mother for her lack of affection and attention...not himself. What he does not realise as most men don't...You get back what you give. You have to give attention and affection in order to receive it back. In other words...Treat others the way you want to be treated yourself.
Two...His lack of understanding the above for 27 years means...leave all you want, but if you did not learn that lesson in 27 years, younger woman or not, you will repeat the same mistake.
Three... This new lady is only a distraction. She cannot fix him, and he thinks if he is running around with her and not looking at his own faults, then life is good. But life is the greatest teacher of them all. It may not happen a year from now...why? Because life is patient. It gives you a chance to see your faults first and change yourself. But if you don't....It will come at you like a landslide. Wave after wave of trouble will come his way...and two things will happen. Either he learns and change...or his own lack of learning will destroy him.
If you see this happening to your father...do not gloat, or take comfort in his downfall. He is still your father, and wishing bad on him will set you up for your own downfall.
As for you...Move on...live your life and learn from your father's mistake. Take no woman for granted...better yet, take no one for granted. When your time comes to have a wife, love her and show her how much she means to you. Do not wait until there are problems to see your own faults. Never blame someone else first for your issues. Always look at your contribution to a problem before you point fingers. Because every argument has two people in it.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (10 December 2016):
It lasts as long as a piece of string.
There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to human behaviour. Not even two narcissists will behave in the same way so it really is impossible to say. My father's quite the narcissist too (most politicians are) and he would never "discard" because it would affect the public's opinion of him and that would not be in his best interests.
So, things will last as long as it suits your father. Could be weeks, months or even years.
And it depends on so many variables. This other woman may end up discarding him rather then the other way round - perhaps she will end up being a bit more savvy than your mother was. Or perhaps not.
Why is it so important for you to put a time-scale on it?
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