A
male
age
30-35,
*aimeletarte
writes:Im currently 22 years old and have been trying to date the girl in question on and off for close to 8 years. About 3 months ago we finally got together. Things went amazingly well for the first 2 months. We would constantly be together. I couldn't believe that i was finally with the girl of my dreams. Because i had tried for so long to date this girl and only getting rejected, when i finally was dating her it was really hard for me to accept that she actually wanted to be with me. Because of this i was always worried that i was doing something wrong. This led to a couple of problems where i was always worried that the sex wasn't up to par with what she deserved, and me being really jealous because she would still text some of the guys she had been talking with before me and her got together. For some reason i just couldn't let these problems go even though she continually encouraged me that they I could trust her and that she was satisfied with the sex. Eventually it got to the point where she felt like i wasn't happy with the relationship, and she was really frustrated with the all these problems. One day she told me she just didn't find me physically attractive anymore and that we probably shouldn't date. Its been about 3 weeks since we broke up and yet we still hang out and do almost all of the same things that we did when we were dating. I feel as if we are basically dating without the title. She still says that she isn't physically attracted to be, and yet every couple of days she will flirt and tease me up to the point where we end up sleeping together. Because of this i have asked her a couple of times if she will just date me again and she just says that it would be too stressful, and that she doesn't have any physical attraction to me, and that it wouldn't do any good unless the problems that we had were fixed. I understand why we had problems and feel that they wont be an issue in the future. I have talked with her and explained that if she and i were happy before the problems came up then now that i know what they are and how to not let them be an issue then we could be happy again. She has said that she really loves spending time with me, but she just doesn't want to kiss me right now. I have read online that a girl's physical attraction can be affected by stress and things like that. So if the stress is gone then the attraction should return over time, right? I guess my question is, is it possible for her to regain the physical attraction? or has she even lost it at all? Should i maybe not contact her for a while so i don't get stuck in the friend category?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): If she didn't find you physically attractive she wouldn't be sleeping with you. What i think is that this girl just doesn't want to have a serious relationship with you. She likes spending time with you and being with you but she doesn't want to be your girlfriend. Unless you are ok with just having that kind of relationship with her then you should continue with whatever you have with her. But if you want something more then you should realize that this girl doesn't want that and try to move on with someone that will appreciate your love.
A
female
reader, lacemaker  +, writes (25 February 2011):
'Fraid she's lost attraction to you and she's said so. I think you'd be wasting your time trying to resurrect it. Why would you want to persuade someone who feels like that about you anyway? You need someone who is attracted, who does want you to be their boyfriend and who doesn't just want you when she's lonely and fancies sex.
You really need to lose contact with this woman. I know you see her as your friend, and I'm sure she is, but it's hurting you to be around her like this and yet not having her for yourself. Until you get away and get over her, you're not likely to be emotionally available for any other girl either.
When someone loses attraction, for the most part they won't regain it. I'm sorry to say it probably wasn't that strong in the first place or your constant fears and worries made her uncomfortable. If you do want any chance of reviving any feelings she had, then your best chance is to minimise contact with her, try to get over her, and look elsewhere. If she's equivocal now, she might actually realise what she's missing and make an effort to find you. Don't bank on it though because many have found that exes reappear in their lives only to stir up old feelings and then dump them again.
You could have a better time with a girl who really does have feelings for you, so keep that in mind when you are settling for whatever this girl throws at you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2011): To me it sounds like she's just using you. If she really wanted you, she'd date you and not just hang out till you sleep together.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (25 February 2011):
 stay in contact but dont over do in when she said she wasnt attracted to you she probably meant your whiny clingy insecurness... thats just not attractive... you need help get over all your problems dont dump them on her
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