A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am in an awful dilemma. I am madly in love with a woman who I met while working at sea on a cruise ship together. I'm from the UK and she's from the US. I'm 39 and she's 44. I'm in the process of getting divorced and she's a divorcee with two kids aged 19 and 20. I have a daughter aged 13 who lives with her mother.When we first got together, it was pretty intense and we couldn't get enough of each other. We met in May 2008 and saw each other constantly for about a month while working together. Then I had to go home and the problem was that when I finished my holiday back home I was due to be sent to a different ship to the one she was working on!We promised that we'd keep in contact and we did via email, texts, phone calls etc. We get the intensity going for a couple of months and it got to the point where she said that she would leave the ship she was working on to come across to the ship I was on so that we could be together.Our ships crossed in port on a couple of occasions while we were apart for 4 months (June to Sept) and we saw each other on both days and it was amazing. The second occasion in August when I saw her was because she was coming across to my ship for a job interview. She was offered a job on the spot but seemed very distant and deep in thought on that day.Shortly after she went back to her own ship, the communications started drying up and I knew that she was having second thoughts about everything. To cut a long story short, at the end of August, she sent me an email telling me that she wanted to end things because of the uncertainty of being able to actually get together and be together on the same ship and she didn't want to invest too much of herself for the sake of getting hurt. This I understood, however hard it was for me to accept.I set about trying to move on and sent her a couple of emails wishing her well but telling her that I would always love her (because I do) but then I kept getting cryptic messages via email and text which implied that she wasn't quite ready to finish with me and was still thinking of me. This confused me further!Bottom line is that towards the end of September, she sent me a love poem and an email seeking a reconciliation saying that she was kidding herself and was still in love with me.We agreed to meet up in October and we did :) but the bonus here was that I managed also to travel with her on her ship (because I was still on holiday) as a passenger and we spent 12 days together. I didn't see much of her during those 12 days because she had to work all the time, but we DID chat a lot in the evenings and seemed to have ironed a lot of issues out. However, she was stressed, exhausted and ready to go home as she'd been away from home for 6 months and was missing her family and friends back home.All throughout she kept telling me that she loved me so very much, but was finding it hard to commit and trust me because of her past (2 marriages which weren't very pleasant). To complicate matters, her intended holiday of 1 month was cut short to 2 weeks because another member of staff quit and she was lumbered with having to stay on. This put all her plans to ruin which also included ME visiting her and her family in the US for a week or two. This now couldn't happen.Well, we parted company on 22nd Oct as my trip was finished and she ended up flying home on the 24th. I've had a few chats with her online and exchanged a few emails with her since she's been home but promised that I wouldn't really bother her because she needed time with her family without me bothering her.Since she's been home she's now told me that she is so happy being back with her friends and family and was debating about whether to come back to sea at all. She has now said that she WILL come back and we will be working together on the same ship for about 3 weeks in just over a fortnights time. However, she has now said that she isn't ready to give 100% to a relationship and doesn't feel that dizzy love-sick feeling for me (or anyone else for that matter) but DOES still love me (she still tells me this repeatedly) and would like to see how things progress.I've told her that I would do anything to be with her long term, even relocating to the US, but she keeps telling me that she is cautious and doesn't want either of us to get hurt.Any advice or tips, guys? This is doing my head in at the moment! Sorry for the long-winded article!
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divorce, her past, move on, on holiday, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aphexinfinite +, writes (9 November 2008):
 just take it easy it seems your both focusing so much on having a relationship that is going somewhere. how about focusing on right now! enjoy each others company live for the now and not tomorrow. if their is preasure she will feel the need to back her self away keep herself protected which will hurt you. so take it easy reassure her that you are their for her when she needs you, dont push the relationship enjoy it for what it is your still in the dating phase were your both trying to find out about each other have fun just what ever you do dont push it just let it go let it flow and things should fall into place just have patience and take it easy. good luck aphex xx keep us updated.
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