A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a LDR for about 9 months now. During that time my bf has visited me once. We both live in the same state but about 5 hours apart. He had a car accident a year and a half ago and as a result he had a lot of injuries. He has recovered but this accident has caused him to undergo financial circumstances that do not allow him to visit me as often as he would like. I'm currently living with my parents but planning to move out(moved bk because of death in fam). He can't stay over since my parents are just old school religious. I have visited him a total of 6-7 times and find myself beginning to feel like this has become one sided. He does treat me good for the most part, we have had minor arguments. I'm just honestly getting tired of spending so much money to get to him and my family is beginning to question why he doesn't come out here. He is job hunting not that he recovered but I feel like he won't get bk on his ft for a bit more time. I know he wants us to move in long term but I'm beginning to feel resentful for investing so much. In the past he did all the traveling with a LDR he had and I feel like I want more out of this, not sure how long I can keep spending $ and my time. I'm not sure if this is worth pursuing, need advise.
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 November 2011):
 Before I comment on your story let me tell you mine so you know I get what you are saying...
I had an LDR... it's a bit complex. Separate states but only a 2 hours’ drive apart. (and even that felt like an insurmountable distance at times.
I had to go see him as I had a husband and dogs at my home that he was allergic too... (the dogs not the husband) (and for those that wonder the HUSBAND KNEW about the bf and sanctioned the relationship)....
so we started this in November of 2010 (a year ago) our first visit was December 2010, then we had two in January and February and by the end of March I was going up to him every single weekend. He did not start coming down to me until late May...
My drives involved gas and TOLLS... $13-$15 dollars round trip in just tolls... oh and taking Friday off of work and going in late on Monday. Shortly after our visits got regular and serious he added my car to his EZ PASS and started covering the tolls. He also covered most of our expenses when we went out....
Now granted I make a lot more than he does but it did say a lot to me that he was willing to take on the expenses if not the travel time...
I guess if we feel we are the only ones rowing the relationship boat we are not happy and I get that.
Do you have a guest room he can stay in? If your family is asking why he does not come to visit you why not tell them he will come if he can stay at the house (and yes their home you need to respect their rules which at your age sucks but it’s the right thing to do to earn trust and respect with your parents)
You say “he treats me good FOR THE MOST PART” what does THAT means? How does he treat you well? What does he do that is NOT so good?
If he’s job hunting and you guys want to move in together he should be job hunting where you live…. If he refuses, well then that’s part of your answer right there.
How is he supporting himself right now??? (does he have spare cash? Is that part of your resentment?)
|
