A
female
age
41-50,
*nnatepot
writes:Sleeping arrangements and Living situations?So my boyfriend and I have been together for about six months but known each other for about a year and a half. Our relationship is solid and we see each other every day, we are at the stage where we want to see each other every chance we get.The problem is I have moved in with my parents – I was living by myself in a flat but it got too expensive and I didn’t really want to get flat mates, I am also planning to save money so I can buy a house (hopefully with him) When I was living alone he stayed most nights and it was wonderfulBut now that’s all changed. His living situation at the moment is a bit different he floats between both of his parents (they are divorced/remarried to others) he works in a family business with his Mum and step father and after work each night he goes to there to shower and have dinner at night then normally comes and sees me, we go for walks and just hang out but then that all has to end, He sleeps at his dads place which is about 20 minutes drive which is where the problem begins.He is getting really tired with the travel it costs quite a bit in petrol and he doesn’t really feel like he has a fixed place of his own to call home and its starting to get to him a bit. We have talked about getting a house together but that is going to take some time for me to save money (He has had a house in the past with his last girlfriend- their relationship ended terribly) but he has enough money for half of a deposit. I would love to live with him but the timing isn’t right yet money or relationship wise I also don’t want to rush into things as it’s a big commitment so I’m thinking about a year’s time.I would like it if he could stay at my place at least once a week as it’s so nice to wake up together etc but my parents a bit old fashioned and from a different era and find the idea a bit unconformable- she invited him to stay new year’s though which is strange.. I have mentioned to mum about his tiredness and how it would just be easier if he could stay and she seemed a bit cold with the idea, it’s not even for the sex it’s for just being together. In the weekends I stay at his mums house (her and her husband go away each weekend) so it’s nice to have that time together, but looking back to how we had things at my own place its really different and I worry he’s going to get frustrated and we are going to lose our closenessHe’s now talking about maybe getting a small place of his own for the time being until we live together, this idea makes me feel a bit left out as I am not ready to go with him yet but I feel slightly sad he will be by himself without me- I can see myself ending up spending most nights there which is basically living there?I’m not quite sure what to do to fix things, the one thing I will be doing is speaking to my mother about having him stay (I mean I’m 28!! And I pay board, but I understand it’s her house) I don’t like the idea of him having a place of his own before we get our own place.. is that selfish of me?Any ideas are welcome
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2012): It doesn't really appear that he is ready to move in together just yet but that could be a possibility for the future. He's getting his own apartment and so you'll get to spend more time together to see how your relationship goes. Most leases are a year and you said that fits your timeline so what's the problem? Keep in mind he said he wanted a fixed place of his own, which is very different from saying he wants a fixed place of "our" own.
If he were ready to move in together, he would have suggested the two of you get an apartment and split the costs. That way, saving up for the house would take less time. Has he agreed to save for a house or is this your idea? It looks more like he is planning to use his money for his own place instead of saving it for bigger purchases. To be fair, he's only been with you six months so unless you've talked about the future in concrete terms and timelines, I wouldn't take what he says so literally or assume his timeline is the same as yours.
If he can afford to live on his own, then he certainly can afford to live with you because it would be cheaper for him to split costs. I think it comes down to him not being ready and the relationship is new so that's understandible.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (11 January 2012):
 Sweetie.. the way you talk, if he gets his own place you will soon have stuff in the bathroom and a drawer and stuff in the closet and will be staying there more than not...
why not just admit it and get a slightly bigger place together now?
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