A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:when I met my boyfriend we were both smoking until I fell pregnant and decided to stop for my babies sake. a year ago my Mom passed away and the stress made me start again, I have have been smoking for a year now, lied to my boyfriend that I have stopped. he has seen signs and confronted me but always denied. he then decided one night while I was asleep to search my bag and found my gunlighter, woke me up and asked me who does that gun lighter belong to, and told him it was my sisters. my lies made him so angry that he started beating me and eventually accepted that I have been smoking. he started saying that I dont love our daughter because Im still breastfeeding her. he told me I have betrayed his trust and he will never trust me again and wanted out as there might be some other things that I hidding other than smoking, he said Im having an affair and sleeping around if Im able to keep such a thing to him for such a long time.I love him so much and how do I regain his trust back, please help? cant live without him, what will I say they real reason of our breakup to my family as they dont know that I smoking?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): hi there thanks a lot for the advice,but what about the baby? Im worried because while he was beating me up, my baby woke up and was crying and he kept on and on. my baby has is 14 months, very stubborn, she fights with other kids. should this be a result from seeing mommy getting beaten,maybe she wants to practice what the daddy is doing?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2009): I'd say he's over-reacting in a big way. Beating the truth out of someone is no different to torturing someone into confessiing to something they didn't do.
If he stopped smoking and you started again he would almost certainly have smelled the tobacco smoke on your breath and your clothes, and I can't understand why it's taken him a year to question you about it.
His other comments about cheating etc. were most likely his way of emphasising his point rather than any real fears he may have had.
Before you start thinking about how to regain his trust, he should be thinking about how best to support you, not only over the death of your mother but how to help you quit the ciggies. It's quite understandable to me that you started again. It should have been to him.
You say you can't live without him, but I'd be tempted to call his bluff and tell him to piss off if that's what he thinks of you. If your family want to know why you've broke up (if you do) you can tell them he beat you and you weren't prepared to accept any domestic violence, no matter what sparked it off.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl +, writes (29 April 2009):
 Sweetie, fine, so you lied about smoking - are you telling me that he couldnt smell it on your breath or on your clothing???? I suspect that he knew all about your smoking but is using it as an excuse to physically abuse you and to question you about cheating on him. Sorry but I cannot understand why you would want to be with someone who physically beats you up - he does not love you.
I suspect there are greater problems in your relationship, and honestly, as far as the reason for your break-up - physical abuse!
Honeygirl
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