A
female
age
51-59,
*indered heart
writes:I've been struggling on how to write this. However, after reading many, many questions on the same topic as mine I'm relieved to know I'm not alone.I am a married woman who is in love with a married man. He is six years older than me. We've known each other since kids. We lost touch and in the last three years became acquainted again. He is a friend of my extended family.I started having contact with him after the death of my father and brother. I was looking for someone to make sense of the turmoil in my life. He was very open and honest about his relationship with his wife. I was a bit surprise when he revealed this information to me. I've struggled with my emotions for my husband. I'm not in love with my husband, but I do love him and I'm devoted to him, until recently. There has been no physical contact with this other man but I have been having an emotional affair with him.He pursued me. I believe he did so for the challenge. He revealed so many things about himself to me and I know I helped him through some of he darkest days. He's repeatatively told me he loves me. I've fought my emotions and never revealed to him I am in love with him. He loves women. I know everything he desires and how he operates. This has always put me on guard. He started removing himself emotionally from me. I felt I was losing our friendship. Out of desperation I revealed my secret....I told him I loved him. The words he spoke, wrote and the feelings I felt I've never ever had experienced before. Wow! So this is how "true-love" must feel?It lasted, oh, probably about a month. He wanted certian things from me and I was uncomfortable to do so. He was angered and then he started withdrawing once again. When I approached him on the subject he responded hateful via email. Throughout all of this I've caved everytime with him. I've never made nor requested any promises where this man is concerned.I do love him and since then I've stop the pursuit and I've remained casual. He use to call, text and email everyday. He calls maybe once a week, emails I don't really know, and the text is basically non-existent. It was hard in the beginning and like most of you, with time it's getting better. I have read comments he has made to other women how he feels and this proves to be the most hurtful. I know he was wanting only an affair. I knew this in the beginning. However, he captured me through my weakness, my heart. I find this extremely unfair.Moving on from him is hard. I miss our friendship and I know this also has been altered.I hold no one responsible but myself. As someone else said "When you play with fire, you eventually get burnt." This has proven to be true. I've always been strong and confident but since all of this it has made me depressed and lower my self-esteem considerably. I'm having to re-build everything over. The things I use to love I now have to give up. I'm having to restructure my life and it still doesn't grant me much comfort or peace.Perhaps this is justice. As for my marriage? My husband doesn't know anything nor his wife. I can safely say this is my first and now last affair. I have no need to have anyone. If I do I won't do it at the expense of my family.
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female
reader, Kindered heart +, writes (4 October 2008):
Kindered heart is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe problem is I have approached on numerous occassions for counseling. I've gone as far as going myself. However, the problems we have I've learnt to deal with and accept them. I had no intentions of straying outside my marriage but as we all are aware of we don't pick who we choose to fall in love with. I do believe no matter what the situation is it's something I need to learn from. My marriage is not miserable and certian areas are fulfilled. What I'm missing is the passion of the heart. My husband and I have talked about this and we both have agreed on it. Thank you for your response. It is much appreciated.
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