A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok here's the thing. I know this isn't your typical relationship question that you guys get but it's a serious one to me. I'm what most people would consider a 'Hardcore Gamer'. I use to be the guy playing video games for 20 hours a day. Video games was all I ever thought of. I bought them new, I bought them used, I bought them nonstop. I played for every trophy and I platinumed most of my games. This is something most poeple would draw the line at. Through my love of games, I met my best friend online. He lives in canada and I live in the USA. We met eachother in GTA and ever since then, we've played nearly every game we could get our hands on together. We've been best game buddies for five years now. We cam chat, we send eachother holiday gifts and we have even talked to eachother's partners. He has a wife. I now have an ex girlfriend. He's literally the best gamer friend I've ever wanted.The thing is, now I'm a bit more grown up. I'm 24 now. I've slowly came off of my gamer status and I rarely log on anymore. I've been depressed for the last couple of months seeing as how my girlfriend left me. It could have been my countless hours of gaming that chased her away. Watching her leave snapped me into reality and made me realize that I was wasting my life away in front of my tv screen. My best friend constantly sends me messages about us getting back together and picking up the latest game.Instead of gaming, I've been hitting the gym and taking care of my emotional wounds. I still feel bad that I'm abandoning my best friend. It's not like we can do anything else together. He lives in canada and the only way we communicate is through gaming. I do turn on my game sometimes because after all, I am getting a degree in Gaming Tech. But I just don't stay on long enough for us to really get into a game anymore. I'm way too busy trying to improve my self image.I'll be honest. I do miss my gaming days with him and my girlfriend visiting me out of the blue, then complaining that I'm always playing games. But now I just want to hang up my controller and become someone different. Am I wrong in feeling bad for letting my friend go? I know gaming is HIS life. He's been a gamer since he was a kid up until age 30 (his actual age). I don't want to feel bad for letting this hobby go. If you were in this situation and your gamer buddy decided to call it quits, how would you take it?
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (29 April 2012):
 Dude, this is something you've gotta do for yourself. I'm 20 years old, I used to be the exact same, I'd play call of duty from when I got home from school until I went to bed and all day on weekends and then when I turned 18 and was a legal age to go clubbing and stuff I thought what the hell have I been wasting my life playing games that have absolutely no relevance to the outside world??
I felt like I'd wasted years of my life playing stupid virtual games, but don't get me wrong, I still play now, but no where near what I used to. I've been going to the gym for the past 9 months and I'm enjoying my life SO much more now it's unreal.
If it will make you feel better, just send him a message explaning your change of heart, what's to stop you from calling him instead of playing games with him to catch up? Skype, facebook, email? All ways to keep in touch, you don't need to fall back into your bad gaming habit to stay friends.
It feels great when you snap out of gaming and you feel like you have your 'life' back, best of luck to you mate, hope this helped.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 April 2012):
 We all grow. Sometime we outgrow friends, jobs and hobbies. Sounds to me that you just outgrew gaming.
Good luck and stop beating yourself up.
Live life and be happy!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 April 2012):
 It sounds as though you are feeling your way into the light of day, literally, lol. I think you'll be fine. There's a lot of life out there to enjoy. One thing that may help you, set a timer every morning for 10 minutes. Then find a sturdy chair to sit in, not a squishy sofa or couch, something with structure and sit comfortably. Pick a focus, such as holding a rock, or gazing at a flower, or breathing in an easy rhythm and just be. Just sit, and breathe, and experience yourself as alive. Feel the energy of your body and the life that pulses through you. If a thought intrudes, acknowledge it and then allow it to float back out of your mind. Reconnect with yourself every morning for just 10 minutes. Try it for a few weeks and see if you notice any changes. This practice may help you in this transition you are experiencing.
Good luck to you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys for all of the great responses. I do still enjoy playing video games. I just can't help having this nagging emotion that I'm wasting my life away. Instead, I could be doing something productve. I have set aside a day or two with him to game but I still feel as if I'm still wasting my time. I think I'm blaming games for my girlfriend leaving Me. This is probably why I can't seem to enjoy gaming as much as I used to. I understand that this is the best we can do if gaming is our only interest. Also, his wife is a gamer as well. I guess that's why his relationship was much more successful than mines.
Thanks you guys for the awesome adviw. I rated all the answers. Have a great night.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2012): it's normal for friendships to go through periods of more closeness, then distance, then closeness again. It's also normal for friendships to become permanently less close even though that doesn't mean the relationship is completely gone. I mean, this happens all the time - friends from college, once they leave college and go off on their own lives, may not ever be as close as they were when they were in college, but they can still remain friends for the rest of their lives.Then some times, old friends whom you haven't had much contact with for years, will come back into your life. It's just a redefining of the friendship, it doesn't have to be the end. If you want to maintain a friendship then you have to take some time and effort to put into it. A friendship is like any other relationship - both people have to put in some effort to maintain it. How much effort and how often, that's where it can vary widely and there's no real rules. Some people only talk once a year like sending christmas cards. Others even less than that. Still others can make the time for say, once a month or every other week sending an email or text. It's completely up to you and your friend, and it doesn't have to be written in stone, just play it by ear.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 April 2012):
Get his e-mail, keep in touch that way. I have gamed a bit (EQ for 10 years) and it wasn't so hard to quit the game as it was to "leave" all the people I spend time with almost every day.
I quit almost 3 years ago and I still e-mail some of my old gamer-buddies. Some of us met up last fall.
It's life though, at some point you life may go left and your gamer buddy go straight.
Getting off the games and out into the gym and RL is a good thing.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 April 2012):
 It does sound like games are the only thing you and your best friend have in common. When your entire life revolves around games, and you have no other interests, then you wouldn't need to share anything else with a best friend either. But now, if you want other interests, and your best friend doesn't share those interest, or has any other interest for that matter... well then as sad as it is you'll have to grow apart.
If you and your best friend had other things in common to talk about, do together etc, then it wouldn't be a problem. But is testifies to your heavy gaming, and his, that ALL you have in common, and all you have to talk about, and all you can do together.. is the gaming.
This reminds me, in an extreme example, of drug addicts who are best friends with their dealers. Sure, a great friend to have when you're an addict. Not such a great friend when you've joined the rehab and try to move on from drugs. See my point?
It's not like you can't have a friendly relationship to your best friend, if only you shared any interests beyond gaming together. Which you don't. I have a good friend who lives on the other side of the globe, neither of us game. We met through fictional writing pages, started chatting on yahoo (and on facebook once that became popular) and I've known her now for about 5-6 years. We used to talk frequently and sit for hours. We'd chat, have drinks together, be on web-cam, show each other fun things online etc. I'ts perfectly possible to have long distance friendships without any gaming. It's just that your best friend doesn't have any other interests he shares with you than gaming.
I'm thinking that you cutting down on gaming sets a good example for your friend. Your friend needs to move out of his gaming shell as well, it isn't healthy. If your friendship means as much to him as it means to you, then you and him can compromise and do other things together besides gaming. And it'll do your best friend GOOD to get other interests. It'll probably do his marriage good as well.
Be a good example for your best friend and let your friend decide whether he wants to keep up and maintain a friendship through doing other things with you (you can still game, it just wont be as much as before). Just invite your friend to do other things with you. You can still chat online, get on web-cams, share a beer, talk about politics or news or share videos, ask about each others lives etc.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 April 2012):
I would be sad but realize that people do grow apart. It happens.
Be happy you made a friend and celebrate what you had together, recognizing that nothing is permanent in life.
You aren't wrong to mourn the change of the relationship. Embrace the healthier you and bid a sad and fond farewell to the things that kept you occupied for a while.
It's okay to be sad and feel blue about change, just remember that you have a new outlook on life and these feelings too, shall pass.
Every day, wake up and make healthy choices. You know what those are, you just have to do them. Easy peasy. http://www.positivelypositive.com/2012/04/04/25-life-lessons/
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (26 April 2012):
 In life , part of our evolution is about change.
Some people are happy to go through their whole life remaining the same whilst others change for the better like you have.
Gaming 20 hours a day is not normal and is anti social.
Its an addiction.
Its also resulted in effecting your relations with your girlfriend, so its understandable you learnt this lesson and want something better for yourself.
Good for you! :)
If i was you, i'd drop the gamer pal an email and say your taking a break away from the gaming (give us much detail as you want to) send it and stop thinking about it .
If he's a good friend he'll understand you need your space.
Sometimes we all grow apart from the old friends we had, that is normal too because as we get older we change and our friends sometimes cant keep up.
Dont beat yourself up about it.
To relieve your depression do activities outdoors just to get away from the game console.
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