A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in an fwb relationship with a close guy friend. Things were going pretty well, and we spend lots of time together, most of it not just to hook up. A few weeks ago he told me he wanted to be with me, and because of our previous rocky relationship, i said no because he was a complete bastard. We have gotten through that and i believe him to be better now, but lately he's been treating me like shit. Even though he calls me every night, he never actually makes plans to see me. He's always making time for his guy friends, and it's like when he wants he tries to squeeze me in. He also said that he didnt want to have any 'labels' on it and that being in a relationship like we had before is just too much effort. I also told him that i was angry because when he said he had wanted a full blown relationship with me, he was just lying to get what he wanted: an fwb relationship, when at the time i was already having trust issues with him. When i got upset about this he just said i was making it a big deal, which just made me even more angry. Do i have a right to be angry? Or am i really making this a big deal? Should I just leave him? We are really close friends but now it's like he's treating me differently because i feel underappreciated, like he's just taking me for granted because he thinks i'll always be there when he wants Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2009): http://www.trueu.org/dorms/womenshall/A000000890.cfm
Here is a thought provoking article I came accross, see if
this helps you any with your situation.
Take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2009): First off, why would you settle for a friend with benefits arrangement, especially after he presented a full relationship to you and then backed out of it saying it was too much work. He likes you as a friend for sure if he spends a lot of time with you, but I think he is going out with his guy friends in part to look for other women.
He is a commitment phobe or he has issues of his own that keep him from wanting a relationship with you or anyone else.
Sure I think you have a right to be angry if he is mistreating you and taking you for granted, but you have to understand that this type of deal is always great for the guy and never great for the girl, because we deserve to be treated so much better than to be a handy you know what, it hurts to be used for sex, it is not without love and emotion for us, he is your friend, friendship is the BASIS for a romantic relationship and true love....you are giving him your heart and he is giving you his disrespect...how fair is that to you?
If you want to find out what his true feelings are, then back off and be unavailable and stop giving him the benefits, let him catch you if he can.....if he is not wanting to lose you he will hunt you down and tell you so....if he doesn't, good riddance....you are spending too much of your time on him when you need to be focusing on yourself......Take care.
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