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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been with my boyfreind for 4 years, I love him with all my soul but when it comes to sex, he has no interest. When we first started dating we had great sex but not anymore. I've tried everything to spice up our sex life and nothing seemed to work. We are 21 years old so our sex drive should be high. For the past 2 years I have been having sex on and off with his ex best friend. I know it is so wrong but we have the most amazing sex. I wanted nothing more then just sex with him, but recently I started having feelings for this guy. I told him and he said he felt the same way. We both freaked out and stopped talking. It's been 2 months now and I just talked to him. He said he still loves me but he wants to win a girl's heart and move on because I'm still with my boyfriend. I feel so empty. He has always put me first in his life and now that he wants to move on I want him more then ever. But I can't see my future without my boyfriend.My feelings are confusing me, does anyone have any advice to give me?
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best friend, his ex, move on, sex drive, sex life Reply to this Question
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female
reader, jendeszy +, writes (23 November 2005):
Take it from me. After your settled down with your partner, say four years, most sex turns into bad sex.
A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (9 November 2005):
 I think you probably already know that what you have been doing for the past two years, though understandable, is extremely unfair on your boyfriend. He has a low sex drive which makes intimacy between you minimal and that is certainly unfair on you but it doesn't give you a license to betray him. Now you are in a position whereby your lover doesn't wish this to continue so you can no longer have the best of both worlds. That's the preaching bit over!
Be aware of the fact that because he is saying this, in other words, making you realise that you could lose him forever, will make you want him more. But you can't have them both so you need to decide what to do.
What is it about your boyfriend that makes you so reluctant to leave him and could you find this with your lover? Is it only sex with him and security with your boyfriend? You say you can't see a future without your boyfriend. Can you see one with this other man?
If you stayed with your boyfriend, could you go the doctor with him to investigate his low sex drive? Someone so young should be more interested.
Basically, you need to seriously think about which one you would feel happier with. You are very young and you have been with your boyfriend for quite a while. Do you feel it is time to move on now?
Write down all your feelings. Write down how you feel for each guy. Will the man you have been seeing want to be with if you leave your boyfriend? I'm assuming that is the choice available to you. Are you quite sure that the reason why your relationship with him has been so good isn't because of the secrecy of it all, the excitement which can heighten sexual feelings?
If you want to remain with your boyfriend, you will have to find ways together to spice it up and he will have to be a willing participant. This may not be easy and will take hard work but if you love him and see a future with him, it will be worthwhile in the end.
You do have a very big decision to make, one not to be taken lightly but think it all through and decide what and who will make you happy in the end.
I hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, sexseahot  +, writes (9 November 2005):
 Well, first off, if you're cheating on your boyfriend, you obviously don't love him as much as you say you do. You've basically already ruined your guys' relationship, so you should do him a favor and get rid of him. You are a bit selfish. I understand that your guys' sex went downhill and everything, but why go cheat? If you aren't satisfied with something about your significant other, you don't go cheat, you get rid of them. It's not fair to your boyfriend that you are going and having sex with his ex best friend. Are you happy with being unfaithful to your boyfriend? I don't understand how someone can say that they love someone so much, but have sex with others when they know that their partner would definitely not approve of it.
You should've talked this out with your boyfriend and let him know that you were very unsatisfied with your sex life and if things didn't get better, you may have to get it somewhere else and leave him. NOT go cheat on him.
If you like this other guy, get rid of your boyfriend and go for him since you are always first to him. What's the point of going behind your boyfriend's back all the time. I don't think you would appreciate that if your boyfriend was doing the same to you, but just didn't want to get rid of you. It's just not fair. You have already been unfaithful to him, so just do him a favor and get rid of him.
Or maybe you should just tell your boyfriend how unfaithful you have been and the reason and see if he still wants to be with you. There's really no positive into what you are doing and I can't give you any nice advice because what you are doing is wrong, but these are the choices you have made and I'm guessing you don't mind hurting people that love you.
I don't know what to tell you really, except for what I have said already. Make some better choices, or just make up your mind fast and stop stringing people around. You are just being selfish and that don't help anyone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2005): I do belive you when you say that you love your boyfriend with all your soul but to be fair from what you have said i think that maybe you love him but your not in love with him anymore. Truely loving someone would mean that your honest and faithfull to them even if they arent totally giving you what you want. It seems that you need to be strong and take the step of leaving your current partner. Imagen if he found out what you had been doing behind his back for all this time, im not telling you off because everybody handles things in different ways and i dont know how i'd react if i was in your shoes but if you now have feelings for this other man then the truth of it is staring you in the face but your too scared to realise it. Let you boyfriend move on so he can find the right person for him and let yourself go so that you can persue this new life that you want and proberly need.
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