A
male
age
36-40,
*squared247
writes:I'm 22 years old and I've been in a relationship for almost 2 and a half years, and my girlfriend has hardly ever wanted to have sex for over a year and a half; it is getting progressively worse (she is 20 years old). I am just about to graduate, and both of us are doing very well in school. We moved in together 6 months ago, which hasn't really affected the progression; it remains on the same downhill slope. I am very attracted to her and want to be intimate, both physically and emotionally, but it seems everything I do puts her off. We are currently having sex about once a month, and I tell her all the time how our lack of intimacy is affecting me, but it doesn't change anything. She says she is still attracted to me, but her actions strongly suggest that she isn't. My concern is that, at this age, if the desire to be intimate is absent on her part, does she really want to be with me deep down? And should I continue to pursue this relationship if I am frustrated physically and emotionally to the core?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2010): The sex is the canary in the mine. If she cuts it off then she's losing attraction for you.
A
female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (10 December 2010):
 Many couples encounter this problem. It's pretty unnatural for you to have to live with this, and I'm sorry that you're not having your needs met. Being sexually unsatisfied IS a problem that leads to others in time: boredom, frustration, tension, irritability, bad routine and such. I think the cases when this issue arises before marriage are pretty lucky. Trying something new, being romantic, sending flowers etc are little likely to solve any of this. Not to say that you're already very frustrated to tip toe around the problem. I'm sure you have already tried this approach by now anyway, so I'd much rather have an honest conversation with her, which is long overdue: how much sex is normally OK for her to feel satisfied and happy (e.g. once a month), can she identify any causes for her low sex drive: stress, pains, any dislikes, body issues, etc. Is any of these something which can be treatable? Has she ever felt more active and what factors turned her on? etc. Be honest with yourselves in the first place and you will only have so much more to gain.If she has a medical problem, she should have attended it by now, but she's probably happy with how things are going already? Perhaps she'd be much happier with someone with a similar rhythm to hers, however. Probably a difference in your sex drives. You say she has always been this way, so maybe it's the way she's built. Different people, different needs. Don't beat yourself over not being appealing to her. All the best.
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A
female
reader, Mjfbla +, writes (10 December 2010):
 It doesnt mean that she doesnt find you attractive. Try something new. Try being romantic. She could just be focused on other things.
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