A
female
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anonymous
writes:I'm 18 and since May I have been the 'bed buddy' of a 29 year old man I met on the internet. I grew attatched to him. I had feelings for him. I wanted to tell him how I felt but didn't get the chance because he was busy. So weeks passed and I didn't see him. So absence made my heart grow fonder and I liked him even more. I was never in love with him though. Oh yeah and during that time of not seeing him I would send him text messages he'd never text back. I'd call him and he'd never pick up the phone or call me back. so I was chasing him I guess. But because I liked him so much I kept chasing him because I wanted to tell him how I felt hoping that we could be more than just 'bed buddies.' Shamefully I made myself look desperate.Then he sent me a text telling me he's moving away to Portsmouth to go to university(I live in Essex). So I went to see him before he left to say goodbye. I didn't get to tell him how I feel because he was busy so I went home. Then about two weeks after that (when he had moved to Portsmouth) we arranged to see eachother. I went to see him last week Tuesday. It took me 4 hours to get there by train and it was expensive. Anyway...I spent the night with him and decided to tell him how I feel the morning after. I was hesitant and told him at the last minute at the train station. He was in a hurry to get to uni on time so I didn't get to tell him properly. He did kind of see what I was getting at. So he told me to call him later. So I said ok. (Don't forget this is the guy who never picks up when I call).And when I got home hours later I called him. He didn't pick up. I wasn't surprised because he always does that to me. Then I sent a text asking if I should get the hint. No response. I started feeling sad about it. Called him twice more after that. Left a message on his phone. He still hasn't called. I felt even worse about it.I am heart broken but on my way to recovery. I know he didn't treat me right and ignored me etc. I know he wasn't worth my time now. I'm recovering pretty well but if anyone could give me some advise it would be great. I really want to get over him and forget him. I am so tempted to send him a text saying "Rot in hell and die a slow painful death." lol. But yeah can someone help? Male opinions too please. Thanks!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2008): Well I may be male, but I understand compleetly. I hav been through the same sort of thing many times before. Well I will admit that I am a very big person, I am 376lbs and 6' 3" but my heart is bigalso and that somtimes makes you stupid I guesse. A lot of people get in a relationship these days and dont seem t want to work at it and keep it going So I guesse the betterthing to do is forget about him and star looking for another man.I am not a homosexual, but I would say that sme men dont know when they have a good thing when they do.
Sean
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2008): You are obviously young and are feeling very hurt. This man is using you. I am a lot older than you and have just done the "sex buddy" thing. First time ever after being in many disastrous relationships over the years. We both agreed that it would be casual and the sex was good. After five "sessions" and thinking all was going swimmingly my last text to him ended in an abrupt almost rude response. Go figure??? Anyway I resisted the impulse to send back an equally nasty reponse (did not want to sink to his pathetic level)and although hurt and wondering why/what went wrong I have decided that he had his reasons for ending it even if it was in a cowardly fashion and after all it was a casual fling. Back to the life of singledom again for me. It's all just toooo hard!!! Move on sweetheart and hopefully find a man who will respect you and love you for you after all you are young and will have many more opportunities in life to meet nicer men.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): Hi, I just had the same experience recently, th guy treated me like gold and made me feel like this hottest chick on eart, then he moved to another State, he was texting me telling me that we will remain in contact and then never heard from him again. I was confused and hurt, wanted to know what happened but he just totally ignored. I am still recovering but he is not worth my time, now I am just having fun and keeping myself busy..time will help me heal...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2007): I'm sorry you had to experience that pain. I suggest that you make it a point to never contact him again. You should also start to write down your thoughts and feelings to help sort through things (never share your writings and evenually, distroy them once you feel emotionally free from this experience). In writing, you can be completely honest and open. Date all your writings. Eventually, you will become much more clear about what has happened. There was fault on his part and also on your part. When you sort through all this in your writings, then I hope that you can forgive yourself as well as him for the bad ending of this relationship. --- May God bless you!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2007): You know what everything happens for a reason. i think you have wasted your time if a person doesn't love you today why do you think he will love you tommorrow . Another thing to have a sex with someone doesn't develop love you are increasing the pain. Let him go !!There's someone who sees you as a mother of his kids, a love of his life. You must wait that person will come very soon. Relationship is about happiness if it doesn't bring happiness move on with your life otherwise you will hate love. And love is a very beautiful thing.Thanks Thembisa
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007): I just went through this kinda..my friend went away for 4 years..then he found me..i fell in love. told me he was gettn married.. he said things would remain ok with us.. he text while on honeymoon he was serious about vows but wanted 2b friends ??..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2007): well i know exactly how you are feeling my partner lived with me for 14mths then went back to with! he didnt want me to move on so he kept me as abit on the side! i got mad told his with now he not speaking to me! its killing me cause i used to talk to him everyday and have text contact but now nothing. I know i have got to get on with my life and listen there is someone out there that will love you! just hard to see it yet still bit raw! keep mind occupied. well i hope you can get over him i am still trying with my ex to get over that is x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2007): You dear sweet girl. I know exactly what you are going through. I am glad you are still young, and VERY glad that you feel you are recovering from this TERRIBLE treatment. I am in my late 30s now and finally realizing that a woman HAS to have boundaries and HAS to value herself enough to NOT ALLOW ANYONE to treat you poorly. You have so many years ahead, and they will be happy ones as long as you stop now and look into yourself and tell yourself every day that you are beautiful, special, and valuable -- and that you will NEVER allow ANYONE to use you. The minute you think you are being treated badly--listen to that inner voice, and put your foot down. Don't let anyone use you, hurt you, ignore you, take advantage of you. Read THE RULES by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. It changed my life. Good Luck to you!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2007): Well, the important thing is that you don't put yourself through this again. I know that you were longing to have someone care about you as much as you cared about them but I think you knew long before the end that he didn't really care about you and you were doing everything in your power to try to get him to care about you because you needed it and because you thought you could make it happen. In the end you realized that it's not possible to force it- it's either there or it's not. Maybe it will help you to think that if the guy that's in your life isn't a good fit- the one that doesn't fit won't get the chance- cuz someone is taking his place. Think of it like a square peg in a round hole- you were trying to make this square peg fit when all you really needed to do was find the round peg...one day you will- just don't sleep with these losers til you find out they're a good fit for you- that they are giving you what you are looking for- if you ever feel desperate or foolish or immature- get yourself away from him because he is not the right fit for you. And certainly don't feel foolish about having gone through what you have- we are all out there making the same or similar mistakes at some point in our lives- just don't torture yourself by letting yourself go there again- you saw the signs early- so now when you see them- steer clear!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2006): Advice? Well, hopefully you learned some things from this unfortunate experience with this man who just used you weithout any consideration and certainly with no respect for you. Unfortunately, this kind of behavior is what a woman - or a man - can "invite" in a situation such as yours. (It might have been different if the ONLY thing you wanted from him was sex, and nothing more).
When he never sent you messages or answered the phone when you called, that was when you should have have gotten the signals he was putting out. Also, why did you decide to wait until the following morning when you saw him in Portsmouth to speak of your feelings?
I guess you now know not to jump into a "bed" relationship with someone before finding out if you have interests and values in common, and can ascertain what you both are looking for.
If you really want to, send him an email (not a text) telling him you don't appreciate the way he treated you, ignoring your calls and messages, and that you regret ever having met him in the first place. THEN FORGET it already, and don't waste another minute on him!
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female
reader, Sahshii +, writes (31 October 2006):
well, dont dwell on him, because hes not dwelling on you, its pretty clear.. i apologise for being so blunt but its true and once you realize that you will be able t move on. Secondly, its not like you cant get another guy! youre young and you shouldnt be so tied down, go out and have fun! i guarantee you that you will be able to move on.. go out and have fun!! get with a nice guy, but this time let him do the chasing, dont chase the right guy-the right guy will chase you. No guy is worth it if he makes you shed a tear little missy. If you feel down about yourself, spend time with the people that care about you and make you feel good about yourself, another great way to feel better os to maybe get a new hairstyle or new hair colour and treat yourself.. once you've moved on you'll see your current problem as insignificant.
Good luck sweetheart!
Best wishes;)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2006): You have done the hard part....accepting that there was no future in the relationship....
Send the text if it makes you feel better but don't do it because you think it will affect him......you probably know it won't
Spend some time with your friends, go out and enjoy life, in a couple of months you will forget he ever existed.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (31 October 2006):
 As always, time is your friend here. Just stay busy and get out and meet new people. Eventually you will move on.
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