A
female
age
30-35,
*itti_kat123
writes:I have just found out that i am 5 weeks pregnant. It came as a bit of a shock as i had broken up with my ex due to the fact that he had turned up at my house with a love bite on his neck! He told me that he was play fighting with his friend and he bit his neck (like i was born yesterday)So i ended things with him kicked him out of my house only to find out that i am pregnant! He had cheated on me in the past lied to me on many many occasions never accepts responsibility for his actions and blames me or dumbs down his behavior. A few months before i had found out that he had sexual things done to him in the cinema by another girl (this is a 32 year old man by the way)but he said it didn't matter because we wasn't together at the time and he doesn't know why i making such a big deal about it.He is emotionally immature and his whole out look on life is immature he is very spiteful and if i do something which makes him jealous or question me he will do things in retaliation (mostly with other women :/ I am so gutted that i have fallen pregnant by this man! I know it is also my mistake as i should have left him along ti ago and i should have been more careful but i was so ready to move on from all of the bull#### he has put me through and to finally be happy in my life. Its in his character to cheat he would do the same thing to any women he is with he has no respect for women and i just keep on thinking what a bad role model he would make to a child. I have told him i am pregnant and he says he wants to try and make things work but i feel like i making such a big sacrifice in my life for man i dont want to be with. I cannot raise a child on my own i run my own business and all of the work load is on my own shoulders so that would mean no maternity leave etc how would i cope? I have an amazing family who i know would be supportive but i would still be along raising a child. If i was to try and make things work with him i would have to move so he could be closer to work and i know i would feel so unhappy and i could bet my life he would cheat again. I have been considering abortion as i wouldn't even consider adopting my child if i go through with the pregnancy and bond with my baby there is no way i could ever give them up plus he wouldn't allow it. I know abortion is wrong and unfair but that at the moment honestly seems like the only option. I cant financially support a child on my own and he would always want to be apart of this child's life that would mean i would have to deal with him for at least the next 18 years!!! If i do continue i will be stuck with a disrespectful man who doesn't truly love me or cherish me or care about losing me. Can someone please give me some no judgmental advice x
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abortion, cheated on me, immature, jealous, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2014): A very sad situation and I was in a similar one 20 or so years ago, only I was in the middle of doing my degree and with a guy who was "a wrong-un", as my Mum would say, doing drugs, refusing to find a job, drinking heavily, stealing my money out of my purse and verbally and emotionally abusing me. I had an abortion at 8 weeks and I didn't regret it. I'm now 48 and I look back at the younger me and realise she made the right choice,as hard as it was. The only mistake I made was not to get counselling afterwards and it was offered to be by Marie-Stopes, I ended up depressed because I felt guilty AND I dumped the father without even telling him I was pregnant.
I actually fell pregnant a few years back and had a miscarriage at 8 weeks and the emotions of the abortion hit me again then. I had counselling and it really helped. Abortion is such a loaded, emotional and personal choice and you have to make the right decision for you.
I would have been a single 23 year old mum with unfinished qualifications, no job, no father around and 18 years of mothering and supporting two people alone. I since found out the old boyfriend got married and had children and he isn't even allowed to see them, now divorced, so I know I did the right thing. It doesn't mean sometimes I don't have pangs of a type of regret or get upset about it, but unless you feel a great urge to be a single mother and that is your calling in life, and always have this low-rate man in your life as a "part-time" father (cheating behind your back etc.), then you need to do some serious thinking as if you do decide to have an abortion, it should be done before 12 weeks (at best).
Take care, it's such a hard place to be in!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2014): I agree with cerberus.... and I was in the exact same shoes as u.... and I also thot like u... that it was wrong. But I done it. Because I couldn't bear to have him in my life for ever and my kid wouldn't have had the best with a dad like him
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A
female
reader, lucy.whittaker +, writes (3 June 2014):
 It would be a good idea to speak it through with a professional. I would recommend speaking to someone at Marie Stopes International, they are exceptionally professional and can explain all of your options to you confidentially. I (very) recently found myself in a similar situation and received excellent care and advise from them.
My personal opinion is that a mistake doesn't have to dictate the rest of your life, and if this is the wrong time in your life then it would be unfair to all involved to go through with it. But it is an extremely personal situation and it is absolutely worth speaking with someone in confidence to help determine what is best for you.
Good Luck,
Lucy XxX
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A
male
reader, methuselah +, writes (3 June 2014):
Hi,
I am sorry for your situation. I believe you would benefit from professional counselling. I feel you need to speak to a qualified person. Best wishes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2014): "I know abortion is wrong and unfair"
I'd abort without hesitation if I were you, but for that statement. I don't see the removal of a bunch of cells from a person's body to be wrong or unfair, otherwise every wank I have would be wrong and unfair, billions of potential lives lost every week. 'Potential-life' genocide.
You should get professional advice from charities who deal with unexpected pregnancies.
It sounds to me like abortion may be something that would be emotionally difficult for you to deal with, but then your only other option is to condemn yourself to a life of having that asshole in it, and no, it's not just 18 years, it's the entire life of your child.
Personally I'd abort, no problem at all, no guilt etc. but for you it doesn't sound that easy a decision emotionally, you need to go get support from people who deal with this kind of thing.
Oh and seriously, get rid of the fool. He's your ex, break off contact, he doesn't get a say in this or get to use it as a tool to emotionally blackmail you into getting back together with him. With all due respect you were a fool to tell him until after you made your decision and even then if your decision was to abort he need never know.
Remember, OP, it's the rest of your life, not just 18 years. he won't suddenly abandon his child at 18.
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