| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My BF admitted he doesn't love me as much as he used to, and I'm devastated.We have our issues, especifically, because I lied about my past when we had been together for 6 months. We have been now together for a year and 7 months. He's still upset because 1) He doesn't trust me because I lied, and 2) He says he had me in this pedestal, and when I told him about my past (which involved a mutual now ex friend), I fell, because he didn't think I was that kind of girl (he thought I was different than the other girls, because I had been the most perfect to date). That i was his everything, and that finding out the truth crushed him, as the image he had of me was totally different.He usually argues with me about it... however, lately (the last few months), I have been getting worse and worse at reacting. I cry a lot and even yell sometimes when he starts "attacking" me, and I just can't calm down. I have broken up several times in the heat of the moment, and we get back together later. He says he loves me, but with all these things that have happened lately, he doesn't feel the same for me, because the relationship lacks stability and because that kind of reactions create more and more resentments...I don't know what to do; he says he doesn't wanna break up, that he wants to try because he wishes that we can get over all this and be happy forever (he has said he wants to marry me from the beginning, even though we have had issues). However, he says he doesn't know for sure if he'll feel the same about me after we overcome this phase.I'm crushed, i don't wanna leave him, and he doesn't wanna leave me... but I'm afraid that this might only get worse, or that it'll get better, I hate this uncertainty... all I know is I love him the same as always, that I want to be with him forever, but that lately I've been feeling weak and sad, and like other girls could make him much happier. I've already talked with him about this, however, he said what I just wrote. Everything is uncertain.When we spend time together, he's very affectionate though, and when that happens, he says he wants to be with me forever, and even talks about kids, mortgages, etc...Do you think this is something that can be overcome? That he could love me like he did before? Or are we approaching a dead end? Help, I'm sad :(
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): Two ways to deal with your past
1. Says its your business only
2. Tell the truth when asked and not when the relationship as moved on.
Your boyfriends problem will not go away. You need to say you don't want to discuss it again. If he continues to bring it up you have to end the relationship. The danger is resentment will build up. I guess you live and learn.
Good luck
A
female
reader, Twirly  +, writes (16 April 2008):
 Hey Sweetie, you sound so fed up I really feel for you.
It sounds like you've tried everything but stand on your head to move on from your earlier troubles and make the relationship work but you aren't getting any help from your guy at all.
His unwillingness to move on from one incident in the past is unhealthy and unfair and from your message it sounds as though it has already eaten away at your self esteem quite a lot.
Your relationship shouldn't be making you feel weak and sad and uncertain, you deserve to be feeling cherished, loved and 100% wanted.
Perhaps you can ask him to please decide whether he is willing and able to forget the past and commit to the relationship or not, and tell him that if not, you will have no choice but to let him go, as you no longer want to be living in limbo.
I think you are going to have to be tough with him, it sounds as though he has been getting away with treating you like this for way too long, so standing up to him won't be easy, but do try, you're worth so much more than this darling.
Loads of luck x x x
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (16 April 2008):
 Hi,
sorry this is about as big a dead end as you can get.
Hate to break it to you, but your boyfriend you love so much is a pathetic arsehole who is only concerned with his own shattered little ego. He is trying to control you, he put you up on this pedestal because he like a lot of these self pitying types we get on this site, believed he had the perfect little virginal rose he could have all to himself.
Now he's seen the reality, you had a life before you met him. He can't deal with it , so he takes it out on you. Believe me, when this is all over and you meet someone else you will laugh about the self absorbed a-hole you used to date. For now you are living the nightmare, wake up and get out. Life is for the living, not to be lived as someone's ideal perfect partner - it's a fantasy. He will go from girl to girl and they will all fail to live up to his lofty expectations. You really don't want to be a part of this type of relationship. Just look at all the poor married women who have kids on this site writing in over their husbands obsessing about their past relationships. It's pathetic. Jump now before it's too late!
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