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female
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anonymous
writes: I’ve been Best friends with 'John' for about 6 yrs and approx 3 1/2 yrs ago while we were living together, we ended up having sex a couple times. We decided that we didn’t want to risk our friendship so we stopped and remained friends. It’s been very obvious since, that our feelings for each other are more than friends and I have recently started cheating on my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years with him. My boyfriend and I have lived together for almost a year now. He has provided a home for my son and I and has even taken over the role of ‘Dad’ at home, but I recently feel like our problems are tearing us apart and it eventually pushed me toward John. Now I am constantly drawn to him, even lying about where I am just to be with him. I have had feelings for John since we became friends 5-6 years ago but like I said we never wanted to lose our friendship. The down side about John is that my son calls him "uncle John" because he's been around for my so'ns whole life. I am very protective of my son's feelings and the guy I am living with, 'Terry', is soo great to both of us and my son would be torn if 'Terry' was put out of the picture and if we had to move again. I am so confussed. I am trying to follow my heart but I really need advice. I'm afraid of hurting 'Terry' and now that I've started this whole thing with 'John' I'm afraid of hurting him too! If I stay with Terry I could never tell him what I've done and I'm afraid that I will lose John entirely as a friend since I can't stop feeling this way about him but, if I leave Terry for John I have no way of knowing if anything will come out of it and I've just given up everything that I worked so hard to create for my son and I. Please help me, I am desperate for advice.
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female
reader, hollybrittany  +, writes (18 December 2009):
I'm 13 and I'm in the same situtation. My best friend 'Tom' and I we're great friends, then he asked me if I wanted to be friends with benifits. I was with my boyfriend 'Liam' when he asked me, but I sorta liked tom. tom and I arranged to meet up to watch a movie at the cinema. He went to the bathroom during the movie, and came back and sat in his seat and turned to me and leaned over and stared kissing me. I kissed him back, I couldn't help it, I loved him. After that, it was very florty and fun. I felt guilty about kissing tom though. A few months ppassed and my boyfriend found out. He didn't get angry at me, but he got mad at tom. Tom got so scared that he actually wanted to stop being my friend because he was scared of Liam. I was sad for about two months and couldn't concentrate on anything and felt empty. Liam and I were okay, but I really wanted tom back in my life and he could see that. I did every I could to try and get tom back. Texted him, sent him messages, and everytime I saw him at the shops I smiled, but he looked down and went back to his friends. He finally decided to be my friend again the other week, and we only really started getting past the post-breakup-bestfriend-stage. But our friendship never really recovered. So really, in your case, talk to both of them about it, and make sure none of them get inbetween one of your relationships. Best of luck.-holly.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2008): I am in a very similar situation, though I am only 17. I've been with the same guy for almost two years, and recently realized I am in love with my best friend. We've started having sex and I tell him I'm going to leave my boyfriend for him; seeing as we are truly in love with each other. I have yet to break up with my current boyfriend, because he is extremely controlling and honestly just won't let me. I understand how torn you are, and the best advice I can give is to think who will be better in the long run, and what will make you happier in life. If you've decided you need to leave "Terry" it would help if you made him realize it would be in BOTH of your best interests, not just you selfishly leaving him for another man. I hope I can practice what I preach; Good luck to you.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): you need to make up your mind. first you say you'recently feel like our problems are tearing us apart', then that"'Terry', is soo great to both of us and my son would be torn if 'Terry' was put out of the picture and if we had to move again."
If u n ur boyfriend r havin serious problems, above the normal relationship rough patches, fine. split up, continue the search for'the one' lest you end up at 40 with regrets/court battles.
if ur boyfriend is sooo great, then you either live with the guilt and secret,end your fling with john secretly, or tell him. whichever you choose, someone is getting hurt for your admittedly selfish actions
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2005): Well currently i am in a simular situation i have been with my boyfriend for a year and about a two months ago i started cheating on him with my best friend Carl who has been in love with me since we met two years ago, i feel awful because in my heart i want to be with Carl all the time however if this is how i feel i dont understand why i can't leave my boyfriend. I do really like my boyfriend and i love Carl as a friend and more but i just have to follow my head and heart if i wanted to be with Carl that much i would be with him instead of my boyfriend and i must have something good with my boyfriend or i would've left him by now. You should look at it that way yes John is your best friend but if you left Terry not only upsetting him and your son, would you and John seriously develop into a relationship? You really should think about this before you decide because it has many peoples feelings on the line, just remember though John is like your son's uncle and your best friend is he really more? I am not for lying at all however being in this situation makes me agree on the fact you shouldn't tell Terry the truth because it would hurt more people than necessary. Good luck i hope you make the right decision.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2005): I'm in a similar situation but in reverse. I'm seeing a girl who used to have sex with her male friend. Now we're in a serious relationship, neither he nor I can stand each other. He's also terrified his current girlfriend will find out that him and "his friend" were sex buddies... You are better off dropping the "friend" because it's unlikely to develop into a relationship with him and it will ruin what you have already created with Terry. As I said, it's unlikely you will have a relationship with John, as to him, you're some chick who sleeps around on the guy she loves. How can he ever trust or repect you? And so ultimately, if you lose Terry, John will be in the way of the next relationship too...
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2005): You need to get away from everybody for at least a day or two and figure out what you really want. No one else can tell you what you need to do, you have to find that for yourself. Find out what each of them wants out of you, have a talk with both. Then take time for yourself to figure out what you want.
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