A
male
age
41-50,
*radle of filth
writes:Hi im a 28 year old n ima tell u everything as detailed as possible..i have been in texas for six yrs now im from kansas city born and raised.. Ima sum things up quick.. Great fam till I was twelve n mom n dad split because of meeth abuse.. Dad left and ignored me.. Mom let me do watever wenever.. She dated addicts n criminals that beat her n tried to kill her... I was always a witness.. All my friends were on drugs n so was I.. Saw a guy get beatin to death with a hammer wen I was 16. Became paranoid bout people...my mom got tired of life n moved to texas with her fam n I refused to come with.. Sghe gave me the shitty house n drugs got worse with me n life got worse.. I left 3 years later fer texas... Ihad been with a girl all the while who came to texas with me who I loved...she was a liar and a cheater.. I never cheated on anyone ever keep this in mind throughout.(..just gettin things out so hope I dont confuse.).. Now in texas im workin two jobs got a place n doin ok except I dont trust her and am paranoid n anxious n depressed constantly... Went to therapy n was diagnosed with ptsd insomnia, anxiety, depression,and adhd.. Took medicine for awhile n became suicidal.. Shit got worse with my gal n she left me went bakk to kc.. Shit got worse n I statrted drinking jager everynight.. I had been in two relationships frup to this point back to back since I was 13 so I didnt know how to date or nothin... Was givin my first computer at this point n started up my space n started talkin to girls I thought were sexy n began invitin one after another over to drink sometimes three different ones in a week n havin sex with them I dont know y guess lonelyness n alcohol... Did this for bout a year n slowed down had two ok relationships that I pushed away because I was angry and couldnt trust them and kept getting bored .. I now had met anothwer girl 3years ago n she is living with me.. The first 8 months she lived here for free while I worked at night .. I tried to give trust to her.. I found her dirty talkin with dudes on my computer several times n confronted her.. She said it was just talk of course.. I tried to forget but no trusting her now.. But I continue to keep her around not sure y.. I caught her doin this multiple times.. I decided to cheat to get revenge n help me deal... First time I ever cheated... It was with my ex n a car multiple times over a span of months n that ended... I wud still look on my computer n find convos with her and guys talkin bout how the sex was good n stuff.. So I know she was still cheatin... After awhile my computer died no more snooping for me lol I have now an issue that I dont ever feel like having sex or bein affectionate with my gf.. She claims she loves me n I say I do or at least say it back to her.. But I dont know how to word my feeling if its true luv or not.. I have been using this app on my phone n finding not so attractive girls in the area n sleeping with them knowin I wud never want anything more cuz they kinda too fat n kinda ugly but its like a problem and I feel horrible im not like this.. But its not even revenge anymore I just wanna work things out with my girl n have the spark back cuz she seems devoted now but im scared to get more attached I have zero friends she is everything to me im scared to lose her n I feel like a pos n dirty for sleepin with these ugly skanks... Ive erased my shady apps n have promised myself to never b this way again.. But ive tried before n I stopped for awhile n than didi it again.. Im confused and am not in reality I dont think I need major critisism and helpful thoughts on y im this way, n how to make it stop.. Sorry so jumbled n confusing please help? Any question plz ask...y
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2011): Hey man I know you have gone thru alot, I can tell that by the way you try to justify your being by talking about you growing up. Im also 28 and man have Ive seen enough myself so Im not just talking out of my a$$ lol Im a pretty straighfoward person so dont take it the wrong way. First thing is first...let go of the past...its just gonna keep holding you down...deal with the issues you currently have by getting out. Start fresh, I know you are confortable with ur current person cause she has been with u for a while and now is more a feeling u are use to, but since its not helping you I honestly think you should let her go, but if you love her have an honest talk with her and set guidelines, if she breaks them move on cause thats too much now. You need to build you, the confident you and the only way to do that is to get rid of the things that bring u down...then once youve done that then you will always have a standard in your relatioships and never be taken for granted. Get out, get into something you love doing. Im telling you this cause it works, all the things that your doing are not making you feel any better so stop. Its gonna be hard at first but believe me once your without this burden youll be a happier person...good luck
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