A
female
age
36-40,
*azed & Confused
writes:I need sex help. I currently have a sexual relationship with someone I'm really attracted to, but I can never seem to orgasm. I've only been with two men and I couldn't orgasm with either of them. I don't think I'v even come close. I use a vibrator and I can climax with that but not with him. I don't know what to do and the worst thing is that I fake it when I'm with him. It's been months since we began sleeping with each other and I feel embarassed to let him know I've never orgasmed. I don't want him to think he doesn't turn me on. I love sex with him, I just can't climax. I need tips on how I can orgasm and how I should let him know. HELP!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): Give it up...I've been with over 30 guys (over a 18 year period) and could only clitorally orgasm with ONE of them. ONE!! I have a Husband I've been with a couple of years and we have 2 kids and he is NOT the one I can go with and I don't know if he'll EVER be!!!!
COMPLETELY frustrating!! This is what we get for eating the apple. Just play with yourself and enjoy it, i can't even go with a vibe, just serious and intense clitoral stimulation...
GOD! I wish I were dead!
A
female
reader, fishfood  +, writes (25 June 2007):
 Most women can only orgasm through clitoral stimulation as I think its something like only one in three women can orgasm through penetration alone which may explain why u can orgasm with a vibrator but not with ur boyfriend. Maybe u could try clitoral stimulation during, before, or after sex to have an orgasm. You may be having trouble reaching one because ur worrying about not being able to or because u feel under pressure to orgasm. You need to feel completely relaxed and comfortable, just go with the flow because chances are, the more u think to urself “I must orgasm” the less likely it is that its going to happen.
As for the faking bit, maybe u don’t need to tell ur boyfriend uve been faking because he may be hurt and when u do actually orgasm with him, he might not believe u. Maybe u could just tell him u want to spice things up a bit and try new things like toys or dressing up, talk to him and see if there’s anything he wants to try.
Communication is the key to enjoyable sex. People are not mind readers so give hints and clues about how to please each other best. The reason why people can bring themselves to an orgasm but not reach one with other people is because we know what our own bodies like and what turns us on, once we know this, we can show our partners and help each other orgasm.
If he’s not keen on trying new things with u, maybe then u should be honest with him and tell him that whilst u enjoy the sex, u find it difficult to orgasm that way and didn’t want to upset him but now ur relationships grown, u feel comfortable in telling him. Good luck hun x
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A
female
reader, kasparschk +, writes (25 June 2007):
 i have found me being on top in the missionary position is the only way i am able to orgasm. for whatever reason it hits the spot. give it a shot. try some different positions. or even see if he is comfortable w/ you bringing toys to the bed. i think there is a vibrator made for him and her.
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A
male
reader, teenputtyknife +, writes (25 June 2007):
 relax i bed don't stress out that you can't orgasm im not an expert but i sure it will happen one day.and if it does become an issue bring something that you find kinky like S and M bondage an outfit of somesort or mabey get him to wear something like a soldier outfit or cop but most of all be yourself however my other suggestion is to tell him then both of you can try different things together.hope i helpedlots o loveC.
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