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anonymous
writes: I'm 18 and a virgin and also never had a girlfriend.I am always meeting with girls and dating them, I always decide not to rush into things too quickly, so I never become bf/gf with someone over night. I never make the first move and I never suggest sex or nout.Every girl I went out with have cheated on me or broken my heart. Yes, I have sorta had girlfriends but don't like to disclose the fact as they only last very short amount of time.I'm a bit of a porn freak or should I say fan. I'm a negative person and lack loads of confidence especially around girls because of knock backs and that they all cheat so early into relationship. My biggest fear is being rejected. Maybe the reason these relationships ain't worked is because they want sex. I do alot of exercise so am fit and full of energy, but I think half way through sex I would lose the energy and get embarrased when I stop. I watch a lot of porn so I know all the positions and learn how to do them but my confidence makes me seem not able to make love to ones I love.I masturbate all the time instead and I have no problems in cumming and cumming too fast.The only girls that want sex with me (well the ones who state it and don't shut up) are those that are 15. I refuse to, not just because its illegal.. I don't think I should take advantage and exploit them just to lose my virginity. They want a relationship and they think sex will allow them to keep me which wouldn't. These are just various girls from chatrooms who lie their age and I find out later then block them from msgr.The ones I go out with and date are my age or slightly older because I prefer those older and more mature.I'm already members of profile sites etc.What should I do? Any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2005): firstly there is nothing wrong with you not wanting to use and abuse women to get sex,you are just a gentleman,i wish more men were like you.If girls dump you for not having sex thats there problem!Its not your fault they are imature,If you dont want sex then why dont you get the girl to give you a hand next time you watch your porn then you can play with her,
A
male
reader, harshbutfair  +, writes (20 September 2005):
 Forget the Internet dating and meet girls in Real Life. Pops is right. Get yourself *involved* in something and meet girls, talk to girls, have a laugh with girls. Try and kick the porn habit or at least cut back. Trust me it ain't taught you *anything* worthwhile.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2005): mwah! Thanks Anonymous. I got alot more confidence now atm.Could you please pass their details on lol, im lonely..To answer the question: "maybe when you get into a relationship you want too much too quickly?"Its the opposite, many girls want to be bf/gf like overnight after meeting first time and like i said many girls want sex straight away (not talking about the 15yr olds btw)..i am more like slow down, give yourself a bit more respect.. and im thinking i want a relationship and not just sex, if i have sex then you probably going to leave me, i know im basically desperate lol but i'd rather a girl play hard 2 get then to throw themselves at you sexually before you have gotten to know them - i mean knowing what a particluar girl looks like naked before you know their hobbies and stuff - i thought it was special, only showing yourself naked to the ones you love - hence why some people wait for sex until they are married. Like i said i love porn and obviously naked woman but it turns me off so much when someone you hardly know throws themselves at you in a sexual way and like having sex with them is so easy - makes me think how many others she been with etc. - its sorta upsets me that they must have not much respect for themselves, thinking if they hop in bed with a guy... that will keep them, it does the opposite i guess, many guys would take advantage for the shag then throw her - also another reason is that i believe having great sex with someone you reli like amplifys ure feelings for them 4 fold. i guess many relationships fail because the lust for sex is why da person is liked and when they come across someone else the lust of sex is equal but there is no real feelings for the previous person, which the previous person had feelings for the girl and thats why he is heartbroken, it works opposite way around 2 i guess. My approach - dream plan lol, is dating a girl several times - just having fun (no sexual side) like as mates, then if we like each other become bf/gf, then continue to date then when we both reach our peak (going from can be forgotten to real true love who you want to spend the rest of your life with) then have sex etc. - a house will fall down without foundations, thats why some relationships fail so early because there is no foundations, both parties are fooled into trusting each other (even though they know f**k all about each other) - anyways, i guess my problems is i care too much and are so considerate (yea rite ^o) lol) - i will nvr think of directly or indirectly breaking a girls heart so i wnt 2 kno a girl has jus m8s b4 getting serious, cos gettin 2 serious will jus end up in tears, - newayz, im talking about something i know nout aboutSo to the question...i dont want too much too quickly, i aint controllive, paranoid or anything like that.I understand why some guys stop girls going out and having their own space, its to stop them cheating, well i dont do that cos i dnt beleive in it, whether i have a gf or a wife, i dont own them, they own themselves, they are their own person so they can move around freely..so i guess its my fault i get cheated on. I think im interperated as not lovin enuff simply bcos im not pushy, i dnt make the first move or take advantage, however, im always honest and open about my feelings and i guess girls go out 2 exploit me as dey see it as revenge bcos dere past bf treated dem bad and that im an easy target.I dont go to school, im in UK (you leave at 15-16).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2005): first of all congratulations on keeping your virginity and not throwing yourself at the first girl willing to drop her knickers! you come across as a caring and very very genuine person also you wouldn't take advantage of a girl which i respect fully, how can you lack so much in self confidence? youve got something unique about you something that many men dont have! maybe your looking for love in the wrong places? maybe when you get into a relationship you want too much too quickly? that can be off putting! i think you need to re-evaluate the girls you pick not yourself! you do sound like youve got something special about yourself and as for porn dont worry about it, i love the stuff my boyfriend doesnt watch it which is a bit boring and i wish he put half as much effort into trying diffrent positions and new stuff as id like! maybe if you try not looking for love, love will find you, why dont you conentrate on schooling and going out with your mates at the end of the day youve got the rest of your life ahead of you and all the time in the world to have sex just make sure when you find that special girl you treat her right and respectfully and i wish you all the happiness in the world. i hope my advice was any use too you i know alot of girls who would want a boyfriend who hold the same charectoristics as you and has respect for women like you do, me included! Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (19 September 2005):
 One thing you can do is try to rein in the porn habit. Masturbation is fine, because it helps to relax you and will allow you to focus on something other than sex for a little while, but fixating on porn will ultimately warp your ideals and distort the point of relationships for you.
What you want is someone who cares about you, loves you, and has sex with you as a demonstration of her commitment. But most porn has, as its focus, overacted orgasm and fairly laughable or uncomfortable sexual positions -- not love. That's why I say that using porn as a substitute for a relationship will twist your viewpoint.
Most girls would only try the sex positions you see in porn as a novelty now and then. Don't make the mistake of confusing what you see on porn videos with what real women like! Porn is made to entertain men (mostly); women usually find totally different things erotic than men do.
Pops' point is well made. Develop other hobbies and go to activities where you can meet women your own age. A well-balanced individual with multiple interests always has something to talk about, whether it's with his friends or with a girl. Your confidence will come when you can get to know women socially and when you have common interests with them.
Keep away from the young girls, who only want to have sex with you. Your instincts are right about them.
Good luck.
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A
reader, pops +, writes (19 September 2005):
Work on that self confidence. What do you do? Besides being a student, what hobbies, outside activities, school extra-corricular activities do you do? None? Get a life. People are more likely to want to be around you if you are involved in other pursuits. You have already found out that your obsession with porn is not exactly friendly conversation with women. Girls your age want someone who will show them a good time, so that they don't have to make decisions. That does not mean that you start a date out with, " Hi. Do you want to sleep with me? " No one is cheating on you if you are not committed to each other. From what you have said, no one is, or has been. So, get that out of your skull. Girls are permitted to see whoever they like, and like boys decided what kind of relationship they want to have with whoever they choose. Girls do not owe a boy sex because he takes them out for dinner, or a movie, or to a dance. And he doesn't owe them anything, either. Intimacy comes on your terms, and on hers. Get to know someone, and let her get to know you. You will find someone who admires you, if you are a person to be admired. and, she is more likely to accept your offer of intimacy, and sex, if she respects you, and cares for you, and knows you respect her.
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