A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I need some advice. I feel just awful about what i said to my boyfriend of almost 5 years. So we've been having issues over the last few months, took a 2 week break, stayed together. The issues have pretty much resolved, except that i started now doubting if i want to spend my life with him. Let me explain: I'm 25, hes 27 and he's the only boyfried ive ever had, the only man ive kissed, and shared everything with. He has had numerous gf's in the past. I know i love him and he treats me well and would do anything for me. But lately sometimes I get curious and feel like i want to date other men.Its not like i want to go sleeping around with lots of men or anthing, thats not part of it. I feel like b/c ive been with my bf only i will never get the chance to date different people. I know i sound like an ungrateful and terrible person for even thinking this and please dont judge me, but im so confused by it. I never thought i would have these thoughts and and the end of the day i still really love my bf and i know i would never Ever cheat on him. Am i being completely stupid here? The worst part is that tonight we were talking and he noticed that ive been seeming distracted lately and i ended up being honest with him and told him my thoughts. I felt like such a terrible person for even saying this to him. He couldn't really respond b/c i was dropping him off at work but said we'd talk about it later. I hope i didn't hurt his feelings but i was just trying to be honest with him. I do love him and never want to hurt him. I think i'm afraid that i'll regret him oneday for not experimenting now...what should i do? thanks for listening
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female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (29 November 2010):
I've been through that too, and I know it's really confusing. Because on the one hand you want to make it work and you love him, but you feel like you might be missing out and you'll never know anything else. And it's such a difficult decision to make. I can only tell you what I went through.
It got harder and harder and me wondering caused more problems. So when we were finally long distance, we broke up because I just wanted to experience something else. In my case, it worked out well, I dated a couple more people and now I feel like I'm ready to settle down and I'm happy with my current bf. But even after I dated other people, I still feel a bit of the fear of not dating more and of settling down. So that doesn't necessarily go away the more you date. And when you are single, lots of people feel like there isn't much out there or it's hard, and it's not as much fun as they thought. And they find themselves missing their old bfs.
I'd recommend you talk to people about their relationships and how they know their partner is the one for them. Maybe that will settle your fears a bit and help you decide whether this relationship is the one for you. Talk to single people, talk to people that are married, etc etc. Good luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2010): I'm in the same boat, Love my girlfrind of 3years, but between that she has been with some else, i wherefore i havent. She did that between us on a breakup. So i feel as if in some form on way with me being the only one who hasnt had the oportunity to share some one elses company.. i feel like she almost owes me the right, 'cos after that had happend, our sex life went right down and i didnt really want to have sex cos it was in her bed where she brought the other lad back and stuff. I just felt like i was being compared to. I couldnt bring my self to cheat on her. and she constantly tells me she sorry and i am sick of hearing, I feel as if i'll cut my self if i think about it again. wherefore i feel as if i'm gonna be stuck with her (who i love) forever, but also regreting.
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave  +, writes (29 November 2010):
Some will say you are losing your love for him, despite what you say.
It could just be a case though of something getting into your head and the good old "what if?" starts talking to you. You've been in relationship this long, you don't know any different and your mind is thinking things about what it would be like with other men.
The grass isn't always greener on the other side and you should appreciate what you've got with your boyfriend. It can often be a case of you don't know how good it is until you've lost it.
Every couple goes through problem stages, but it seems you have dealt with it.
Keep plugging away at it, wait for everything to settle back down and see where you are in a few months to see if you have the same thoughts.
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