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female
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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 18 months. He's 28, I'm 26. We were friends for 5 years before we got together. We don't live together but we see each other 5 days out of 7. We have a very happy, loving relationship. 2 weeks ago, he told me that he thinks we want different things, he doesn't know if he loves me as much as he should (because of the length of time we've been together) and that it wasn't fair. We talked about breaking up, but decided against it. Since then, a lot of my confidence and security has gone. I don't see what the problem is. From how he has acted and the conversations we've had during our relationship, I don't see how we want different things. I want to feel secure an confident again. I want our relationship to continue as it has been. Am I asking for too much? Have I done something wrong? What should I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (19 October 2005):
 You haven't done anything wrong; you just can't jump into his mind and read and understand his thoughts.
Of course you now feel insecure and worried as you thought everything was fine and now uncertainty and doubt lingers.
Ask him to tell you exactly what he wants from a relationship and from life and then tell him what you would like from a relationship and life and compare notes. This way he will have some concrete proof that you don't want different things.
It seems almost as if he is perceiving the relationship in a different light to you and you need to understand how he is looking at it.
Tell him how you are feeling right now and try to find out from him if there is anything else going on in his life that is making him feel this way.
You aren't asking too much to want a happy and secure relationship and that is what you deserve. Remember that if he can't make you feel happy, that you are entitled to grab happiness elsewhere.
Talk to him again and go from there but don't remain in a situation where you feel unsure and insecure, it will only diminish your self-esteem and you deserve better than that.
Good luck.
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