A
male
age
30-35,
*bony-n-ivory
writes:I met my g/f @ a leadership conference in washinton dc last october. I live in arkansas and she lives in new york. we both realize that it's a long distance, but we developed strong feelings for each other not long after meeting each other. We've been "dating" now for five months, but our phone conversations are beginning to run dry. It seems like we have nothing to talk about anymore. We've talked about sex, and we both feel ready. I've heard that after sex, couples rarely have anything to talk about. But since our relationship is based on our phone calls, if we have nothing to say, then we have nothing. I love her dearly, and would DIE if i lost her. But what do I do to keep her attention on the phone?
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male
reader, ebony-n-ivory +, writes (6 April 2007):
ebony-n-ivory is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you both. You have no idea how much I've been stressing this.
A
female
reader, stina +, writes (5 April 2007):
 Hi there Eb,"I've heard that after sex, couples rarely have anything to talk about." That is something that people say so it makes you want to stay a virgin - basically it's a bunch of crap. Just because you have sex, it doesn't mean that you're going to all of a sudden not have anything to talk with your partner about. Conversation topics have nothing to do with sex. Think about it for a minute - does that actually sound like it makes any sense? Listen, if you're in a good relationship then it should thrive regardless if you have sex or not.About you not having too much to talk about - that's completely normal. People in relationships don't have to constantly have something to talk about each and every minute they're together. (That would be crazy! And annoying - at least in my opinion.) Sometimes it's better to be able to comfortably share silence together, don't you agree? Just because you two don't have a ton of things to talk about, doesn't mean that the relationship is going downhill.I know that you're probably thinking "but all we have is conversation on the phone! If we don't talk, then there's no relationship!" That's not true. Why not take some time, instead of talking on the phone, to get out there and do some things? For example - if you go somewhere, pick a couple flowers and dry/press them at home and then send them to her with a little love note - "I was walking and saw these flowers and thought of you..." It sounds kinda cheesy, but I'm sure she'd feel warm and fuzzy for getting something like that from you. It's not exactly talking, but it keeps the spark alive. ^_^Also, if you really want more things to talk about, then do like the first poster suggested - "make sure that your life off the phone is filled." If you do this, it will help you to not run out of topics. Movies, books you read, places you saw...Maybe you two could plan to get together? Maybe talk about what you would do in Arkasas or up in New York together? Or maybe talk about somewhere completely different that you'd like to visit together?I would also make sure to talk to your girlfriend about how you want to keep things progressing in the relationship. I suggest also telling her that you want to keep communication between the both of you totally open so that she can talk to you about whatever she wants. Reinforce the positive things in the relationship.Have you asked her if she thinks the conversations aren't what they used to be? Maybe she feels the same way? That could also be a topic of discussion - and help to keep communication open and honest with one another.Take care.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2007): First of, if there's nothing left to talk about after sex then there wasn't much there to begin with. I've never heard such none sense in my life before. If you love someone then sex should only make you grow closer not further apart.
As for your conversations starting to dry up. I've been there myself, in a long distance relationship where originally we could talk on the phone for up to 8 hours straight and never have a dull moment. Then after a period of time it got a little bit harder as we talked every single day and conversations got a little bit shorter and quite often found myself with little to say. It was hard because I really loved her and wanted to keep her interested and entertained but, alas, just had nothing to say.
My mistake was that I had started living on the phone. I was living on the phone and, as I was planning to move to be with her, for the time when we would be together, Consequently I didn't have very much going on in my life on a day to day basis outside of the relationship. I recognize and regret this mistake now but life is a series of lessons.
So that's my advice to you, make sure that your life off the phone is filled. Don't get caught up in the phone relationship, keep your life busy but make sure you leave a little time for the phone. This way when you talk you will always have something to talk about, things that you've been doing, people that you've met or talked to, etc.
Also, a man who is active and happy in himself is a lot more attractive than someone that loses himself in a relationship. Trust me, I've been there. Just make sure that you still make some time for her and that she knows that you care about her.
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